tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2633603040348503162024-03-10T09:46:46.236+07:00Cross-Cultural FamilyThe living experiment of growing a cross cultural, multilingual family.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-8634383892703536062022-09-04T01:17:00.003+07:002022-09-04T01:17:25.280+07:00Anxious travelling in COVID-19 times<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmj6cq4oVap95RlW0AT1pZTqTDKq4F92z8TACes1p-3RcuI2M1gGLz_GK9zd1B7UxKgllL9BG4GluH2-o69jzR6R255t_74lbImALxLF6iLovloBemtV5s_KBZ3yJvAKZfQhpsZO_ickXC6yOJRykL8xFhlD3OLgo6uQwRPp7aCNLFHUKxuHM72FlXzw/s1280/airport-5387490_1280.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Looking down on an airport gate area. Bright sunlight streams in. Tarmac is visible outside, with airplane docked to the gangway." border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmj6cq4oVap95RlW0AT1pZTqTDKq4F92z8TACes1p-3RcuI2M1gGLz_GK9zd1B7UxKgllL9BG4GluH2-o69jzR6R255t_74lbImALxLF6iLovloBemtV5s_KBZ3yJvAKZfQhpsZO_ickXC6yOJRykL8xFhlD3OLgo6uQwRPp7aCNLFHUKxuHM72FlXzw/w640-h480/airport-5387490_1280.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p><b><i>We are back from a trip "home" to Japan—the first time in 3.5 years! I was so anxious 😂</i></b></p><p>We did it. Husband, our kids and I went to Japan for the first time in 3.5 years. I am so so grateful for being able to travel across borders again...even though it wasn't easy.</p><p>To be honest, the whole experience overwhelmed me, and I found myself anxious most of the time. And then felt bad that I was making the trip less enjoyable for everyone else.</p><p>A friend pointed out that the heightened anxiety was perfectly normal, though, given the circumstances:</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>not knowing until the last minute whether we could really enter Japan (visa for Husband, PCR tests for all of us, registering all of us on the MySOS app and uploading all documents in advance...)</li><li>anxiety from premenopause...oh the joy!</li><li>depleted mental and emotional resilience from two+ years of pandemic life</li><li>discomfort—common to TCKs returning "home"—of not fitting in and flashbacks of how stressful it was living and working in Tokyo when I was younger</li><li>feeling responsible for three kids who have never lived in Japan and Husband who doesn't speak any Japanese</li><li>worries that our visit may be exhausting our elderly parents</li><li>PLUS my fear of flying 🙄</li></ul><p></p><p>Ah COVID-19, you really have sucked the joy out of travel...! (Not that I loved travelling to start with. Not all third culture kids love travel.)</p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Getting myself through those anxious moments...</h3><p>I did recognize that I was out of sorts. I tried to meditate, even if for a few minutes and, when I could feel the edges of a panic attack coming on, did breathing exercises (breathe in deeply through the nose, hold, then out in three through the mouth).</p><p>Another trick that helped in those moments was trying to focus on the now ("I'm sitting on this plane. I'm breathing. I'm ok.") and not on what <i>may </i>happen next.</p><p>Also helpful: distracting my racing mind by thinking of a place, a person, a color, a fruit, and a sound...or something like that. </p><p>Oh, now that I've looked it up again, I realize I had it wrong 😂 It's a bit more involved (which makes sense; my version seemed too easy!):</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">The 5-4-3-2-1 method (a grounding technqiue)</h4><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Look at 5 separate objects (and think about each for a few moments)</li><li>Listen for 4 sounds</li><li>Touch 3 objects</li><li>Identify 2 different smells</li><li>Name 1 taste</li></ul><p></p><p>(Source: <i>Medical News Today</i>, "<a href="https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321510#methods" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How can you stop a panic attack?</a>"; also "<a href="https://ibpf.org/articles/9-tips-to-help-you-get-through-a-panic-attack/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">9 Tips To Help You Get Through A Panic Attack</a>" on International Bilpolar Foundation)</p><p>I also repeated to my husband that I realized I was being anxious but that it was (in part anyway) hormone-induced and I was working on staying calm. At least he knew what was going on. He was incredibly supportive and sweet when we were in flight!</p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Still so grateful</h3><p>Despite all this, it was a wonderful trip! </p><p>It was such a relief to see my parents again and a joy to see a few friends. And I had almost forgotten about the pleasure of visiting new places.</p><p>Thankfully, our minds are wondrous things: all the travel stress has melted away now, leaving only precious memories 😆</p><p>May travel continue to be possible.</p><p><br /></p><p><i>Cover image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/viarami-13458823/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=5387490">Markus Winkler</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com//?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=5387490">Pixabay</a></i></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-88464736451224185542022-01-01T14:39:00.003+07:002022-01-01T14:39:24.706+07:00Happy New Year 2022! (And may it be happy...)<p> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhOPUIVhtVdfqfcn_uXLgLoXlvoiz0AWUZaEWAaZZLzO9CnKmbhs9nP2lRCa0-nH9AudFjZXCRHKN7AtKDfNbcLvFVxu4H2_CfxrIHqJDzF-BkA3AcOZhagqsMwht3ek21WXeM6JnzQGeeoKJr2vnoSLFkAgaFmKWlE92mHKDFrWp9rGWYxIZIQaGoAxw=s1748" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="Happy new year 2022 card with watercolor tiger, painted by Martina Bulkova" border="0" data-original-height="1240" data-original-width="1748" height="454" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhOPUIVhtVdfqfcn_uXLgLoXlvoiz0AWUZaEWAaZZLzO9CnKmbhs9nP2lRCa0-nH9AudFjZXCRHKN7AtKDfNbcLvFVxu4H2_CfxrIHqJDzF-BkA3AcOZhagqsMwht3ek21WXeM6JnzQGeeoKJr2vnoSLFkAgaFmKWlE92mHKDFrWp9rGWYxIZIQaGoAxw=w640-h454" width="640" /></a></p><br /><p></p><p><b>Happy New Year 2022! And may the year be a better one than either 2020 or 2021!</b></p><p>From the bottom of my heart, I wish everyone a happier, better year than the tough duo of 2020 and 2021.</p><p>When I think about the details (like online schooling for seven months...ugh), 2021 was not easy, but it made a tremendous difference that we were settled in one place. The <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2020/05/the-not-so-rosy-side-of-expat-stay-at.html">limbo of 2020</a> made it a year of hardship as far as I'm concerned.</p><p>I have many hopes and dreams for this year, mostly centered around schools remaining open 😂</p><p>Best wishes!</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-90174498108078405532021-07-01T17:23:00.005+07:002021-10-04T17:48:01.714+07:00Reunited with stuff: Our shipment arrived<p>Over a year ago, <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2020/03/globally-mobile-life-vulnerability-in.html">we left Singapore</a> with our house still fully intact.</p><p>Last week, our full household shipment arrived in Bangkok. We were reunited with our stuff. </p><p>All. Our. Stuff.</p><p><br /></p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-y1m5RqT09iyXfQRLPAox_wl5LRjtzeUru9EmizWmve4xvr7z-6uOh97p-BddiZHytu6qK1OfOq0f-Y3ut8z7kQjMiuOf6sl7uoPcbGFCUOLABYbdbRrBMOmRUosBksT3PeFu7a1gBSqX/s2545/20210610_114749.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2545" data-original-width="1236" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-y1m5RqT09iyXfQRLPAox_wl5LRjtzeUru9EmizWmve4xvr7z-6uOh97p-BddiZHytu6qK1OfOq0f-Y3ut8z7kQjMiuOf6sl7uoPcbGFCUOLABYbdbRrBMOmRUosBksT3PeFu7a1gBSqX/s320/20210610_114749.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A stack of some empty boxes.<br />And yes, they did topple over <br />at some point! </td></tr></tbody></table>We never fully emptied out our home in Bangkok when we moved to Singapore, and we reacquired stuff here — rice cooker, bread machine, vacuum cleaner, sewing machine, kids' school things.<p></p><p>So now, we have to somehow fit in a full house's worth of stuff into an already kinda-full house 😂😱</p><p><br /></p><p>Some things, I'm happy to see again—like my favorite books and our family albums. And I met a shirt that had I'd ordered online but which had arrived after we'd left.</p><p>Most of the kids' clothes and shoes are now too small so we'd had to give away a huge batch.</p><p><br /></p><p>It makes me appreciate how</p><p></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>The number of times I've moved in my life does not in the least correlate to my ability to pack/unpack, sort, or downsize 😂</li><li>We have way too much stuff. And not only because of the kids.</li><li>But some things are meaningful to have. Having them makes me feel settled and at home.</li></ol><p></p><p><br /></p><p>We also had subletters for a few months and it appears that they left us some Christmas reindeer and a sleigh.</p>
<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CQIonAWnC7M/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="13" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.5) 0px 0px 1px 0px, rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.15) 0px 1px 10px 0px; margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0px; width: calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding: 16px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CQIonAWnC7M/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); line-height: 0; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: 100%;" target="_blank"> <div style="align-items: center; display: flex; flex-direction: row;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; 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I think we also have our landlord's remote control 😂 (But it was broken and we had already replaced it with a universal remote that actually works.)<div><br /></div><div>The house is in complete chaos and it's all tremendously stressful, but I'll be happy to finally settle back in.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's like our two parallel worlds have finally converged and we'll get to live one unified life again!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-21734877863126575792021-06-01T09:19:00.005+07:002021-06-15T16:28:44.844+07:00For the eyes of expat wives only: A lament<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE0dI8Vq8DwT7rKqAm1vbKCwbhfkEAPT-1amB6Eq1XODi6ebWxJK_UTdAcb7HT8G1YtEq28MPo72Y4_hkr2XD_09UCeXCAFPkEqeX7C9x8ra0eFQ-tflgOFHGW0TK5yZqIa3D4zbNkA-I-/s1217/mural-464229_1280.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="684" data-original-width="1217" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE0dI8Vq8DwT7rKqAm1vbKCwbhfkEAPT-1amB6Eq1XODi6ebWxJK_UTdAcb7HT8G1YtEq28MPo72Y4_hkr2XD_09UCeXCAFPkEqeX7C9x8ra0eFQ-tflgOFHGW0TK5yZqIa3D4zbNkA-I-/w640-h360/mural-464229_1280.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><b><i>Women are disproportionately affected by the pandemic around the world. Even privileged expat women like me are suffering. (But please don't read this if you think we shouldn't be whining because we have it better than most!)</i></b><p></p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">The COVID-19 pandemic is disproportionately affecting women around the world. </p><p>In developing countries, women are more likely to be working in the <a href="https://www.unwomen.org/en/digital-library/publications/2020/04/policy-brief-the-impact-of-covid-19-on-women" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">informal sector with fewer social protections and in the industries most affected</a> by COVID-19 (e.g., tourism, hospitality). They have fewer savings and less access to credit than men (so they can't tide their small businesses over difficult times) and are more likely to have to take on unpaid caregiving work, which eats into their capacity to do work that brings them income.</p><p>Women in industrialized countries are also disproportionately affected by the lockdowns. <a href="https://www.npr.org/2021/02/18/968930085/almost-a-year-into-the-pandemic-working-moms-feel-forgotten-journalist-says" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Women are more likely to lose their jobs, cut down on hours, or forego promotions</a>.</p><p>The physical and <a href="https://voxeu.org/article/lockdowns-widen-gender-gap-mental-health" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">psychological toll on women</a> can be tremendous, especially if there are children who are remote schooling and suddenly need to be supervised and fed.</p><p>Even though men are stepping up to take on more childcare duties and household chores, women are still taking on more. </p><p>(There are many more articles on the pandemic's impact on <a href="https://www.npr.org/series/928323746/enough-already-how-the-pandemic-is-breaking-women" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">women in the US</a> and <a href="https://voxeu.org/article/covid-19-employment-and-women-oecd-countries" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">other OECD countries</a>.)</p><p>It's especially tough in societies where the household is already considered women's territory and responsibility, even if they are employed outside. In Japan, the past year saw a <a href="https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2021/02/24/national/social-issues/japan-women-suicide/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">disproportionate increase in suicides among women</a>. I can only imagine the isolation and stress that drove these poor women to end their lives.</p><p><br /></p><span><a name='more'></a></span><p style="text-align: center;"><b>If you are going to find it offensive or irritating that a privileged expat woman is going to whine </b>about not being able to work and how life is tough under the pandemic, <b>please stop reading</b>. This post is not for you. Please move on, thanks.</p><span><!--more--></span><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>So, to continue.</p><p> </p><p>Those of us women living our privileged "expat" lives abroad are affected too.</p><p>Yes, an expat spouse's life can be privileged. I only have to think about the household help I can get in Thailand to see my privilege — even if we're not on a fancy expat package. And believe me, I am grateful <i>every. single. day </i>for this privilege because I am utter crap at housework and, given my energy levels, interests, and skills, I don't see how I could raise three kids and have a profession at the same time without this help.</p><p><br /></p><p>But living abroad has its own challenges.</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ We are told we are of secondary importance in society.</h3><p>If we are dependent on our spouse's visas, we are...well, just that: dependent.</p><p>Especially in tough times, the spouse with the employment visa <b>must</b> keep their job because we need that to live and to stay in the country we call home.</p><p>And the rest of us must adjust — cut down our work, take up the slack. Whatever it takes.</p><div><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ Even if we do have jobs as foreign workers, we are dispensable. </h3><p>When we were <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2019/07/when-real-settling-in-begins.html">living in Singapore</a>, I was thrilled to find employment for the first time in <i>years</i>.</p><p>But in March 2021, the government decided to <a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-03-03/singapore-to-toughen-pass-requirement-for-foreign-dependants" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">stop letting dependent visa holders work</a>. If dependent-visa holders wanted to work, we had to get employment visas — but many of us had part-time jobs that would not meet the requirements for employment visas.</p><p>Not surprisingly, this ban predominantly affected female spouses of foreign employees. So yet again, we find that society finds us dispensable.</p><p>(We ended up <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2021/04/farewells-to-singapore.html">not going back to Singapore</a>.)</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ We're reminded all the time that our lives are not so important. </h3><p>We are dependent and therefore not as important as the main work visa holder. </p><p>If we lose our jobs, it's not as significant because we don't earn as much anyway.</p><p>If we do volunteer work (often because we're not allowed to work for pay), well, "it's only volunteering."</p></div><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ We are expected to take on any extra burdens related to children's education, because that's our job.</h3><div><p>If we have kids, expat spouses tend to already be responsible for the kids' education.</p><p>So any extra burdens the come from school closures and remote learning are directly assigned to us.</p><p>Have young ones who can't follow along online by themselves? Or, like me, have a brand new first grader who has no clue how to study plus a brand new middle schooler who is expected to suddenly take on a full load of intense studying with no live support from the school?</p><p>Well, then, guess we have to buckle down and help the children.</p><p>Our own work? Well, we will somehow have to take up that slack without a complaint because, well, what else do we have to do in our privileged expat lives?</p><p><br /></p></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ But we aren't allowed to complain.</h3><p>And if we complain, we're being privileged and spoiled....</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>I <i>fully </i>recognize that as an expat, I am living a life of privilege. I use the word "expat" on purpose to reflect that privilege; it's a reminder to me that even though I'm an international migrant, my life is not comparable to the hardships that people we call migrant workers face.</p><p>But even if we are privileged, we have our challenges.</p><p>So please, be kind. Tell us that we matter and let us rage sometimes.</p><p><br /></p><p><i>Image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/josunshine-471228/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=464229" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">josunshine</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Pixabay</a>.</i></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-43778693497799540792021-05-11T19:34:00.002+07:002021-05-11T19:34:17.342+07:00Cross-cultural communication failure: Multilingual vs monolingual<p><b></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUQaHe35-0FnpaqJqdDHYEvkHDX9HxxoI90ESDxLs-wYbIC1akkJGbc04Anse6Gd5NYxR3iff-AcfjVN79kt3vFazTil8tc1QMAXlNOkX3nIq85bdkpJp8d3xERysV-mqD0mpqiFckNaRN/s1920/still-2609567_1920.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUQaHe35-0FnpaqJqdDHYEvkHDX9HxxoI90ESDxLs-wYbIC1akkJGbc04Anse6Gd5NYxR3iff-AcfjVN79kt3vFazTil8tc1QMAXlNOkX3nIq85bdkpJp8d3xERysV-mqD0mpqiFckNaRN/w640-h360/still-2609567_1920.jpg" width="640" /></a></b></div><p></p><p><b><i>A pre-registration interview at the Japanese school was a big culture shock for me, as I realized that we held completely different assumptions as the educators from a monolingual society.</i></b></p><p>A few weeks ago, we had to take Entropy (6) to the Japanese school for a pre-registration interview.</p><p>The school asks to have this interview with families where one parent is not Japanese, i.e., the families of international marriages, ostensibly to assess whether the child has enough Japanese language skills to keep up in school.</p><p>(BTW, the Japanese school in Singapore doesn't have this requirement, so I'm imagining there is some history behind it at the Bangkok school...)</p><p>We went through with this for Engineer and Tigerlily years ago. I never liked it, but the educators we met with back then treated it as a somewhat embarrassing formality, so I went with it.</p><p><br /></p><p>But this time, the interview was more grueling, and I came home fuming and upset.</p><p>It took me a while to calm down enough to recognize the experience as a classic case of failed cross-cultural communication (one would think I'd know better by now 😂).</p><p><br /></p><h4 style="text-align: left;"><b>Here's what I think the educators thought they were doing</b>: </h4><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>They were making sure that the child had enough skills to be able to keep up so he would not fall behind and get a proper education in this school.</li><li>They were taking the time to give the family solid and practical advice to make sure the family could provide the necessary support so the child could succeed in his educational career (as far as I could understand, as defined as making it to as good a high school and university as possible).</li></ul><div><br /></div><p></p><h4 style="text-align: left;"><b>How I experienced it</b>:</h4><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>They interrogated us about our family lives in ways I didn't think was any of their business.</li><li>I felt we were being condescended to as an "impure" mixed family and we were expected to be grateful for their negative predictions (in front of the child!) and, frankly, bad language advice.</li></ul><p></p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ Expectations for an international setting</h3><p>We were coming from very different expectations and experiences.</p><p>Because we were in Thailand and the educators had chosen to go outside of their country, I assumed that they also shared a wider, international viewpoint. </p><p>But I was wrong.</p><p>These senior educators carried Japan with them. Their expertise came from JAPAN, Inc. </p><p>If we were in Japan, I'd sigh and think "this is why I had to get out of Japan" 😆</p><div>Even though it's operating outside of Japan, the Japanese school most definitely is <b>not </b>an international school. As the educators repeatedly emphasized, the school's raison d'etre is to help <b>prepare students to return to Japan and assimilate there as painlessly as possible</b>...so it's run to match the system in Japan as closely as possible.</div><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1045480" rel="nofollow" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="928" data-original-width="621" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7C1CeTVyCO3b2zc14nE3kCwo-Uo6DVMNYXWRVB9_6U6WQAxcuvXYOXkNjXmXOLX-WM81BW37bGnVVpzY9d5wflGYC8WZgPs9ll4o6s4fYzMt_70ow7W8hjzfarekDjtnxaaJJFrSamdxS/s320/Cook-Kittaka+InterculturalFamilies%252BSchlJpn.PNG" /></a></div><br />Purely by luck, a day later, I stumbled upon an article by Charlotte Murakami: "<a href="https://www.candlinandmynard.com/murakami.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Japan’s Overseas School System</a>" in <i><a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1045480" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Intercultural Families and Schooling in Japan: Experiences, Issues, and Challenges</a></i> (Melodie Lorie Cook and Louise George Kittaka, eds., 2021).<p></p><p>Her article explains the history of the overseas Japanese schools and how these schools were from the start created to address the "problem" of bringing overseas Japanese children back into the fold.</p><p>Charlotte Murakami also points out that there are increasing numbers of overseas Japanese (or part-Japanese) families without any plan to "return" (like ours!). Those families are turning to Japanese schools as a way to keep their children in touch with their heritage (like us!). And the schools aren't quite sure what to do with them.</p><p>It was eye-opening to learn the history of the Japanese schools and see where our family's experience falls. And comforting to learn that I wasn't imagining things, that we're part of a trend.</p><p><br /></p><h3>☘ Multilingual family</h3><p>Now, about the bad language advice. </p><p>The educators looked grave that our 6-y.o. Entropy wasn't speaking Japanese at the same level of his fully Japanese peers.</p><p>They pointed out that he couldn't conjugate adjectives correctly and his Japanese vocabulary wasn't very extensive, although he seemed to understand what the teacher was asking.</p><p>They advised me to do more to support his language acquisition at home, suggesting that perhaps as a youngest child, he'd never had to fully express himself; everyone understands him anyway.</p><p>I explained that whenever my child says something in other languages, I echo back what he said in Japanese (so he'd hear the words—<a href="https://multilingualparenting.com/the-uphill-battle-getting-a-response-in-the-wrong-language/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">a classic approach</a>). </p><p>The administrator snapped back with "See? He feels you understand him without him having to speak Japanese! So you have to tell him 'the correct way to say that is....' to force him to speak properly!" 🙄</p><p><br /></p><p>They also expressed concern that he wouldn't be able to fully communicate with his peers at this level and that he may have a hard time adjusting.</p><p>I explained that I understood—I also had a similar experience returning to Japan in 2nd grade from the US and that I had to learn quickly. The administrator ignored my story entirely 😆</p><p><br /></p><p>I guess from a monolingual point of view, it's problematic if a child's vocabulary and language development isn't up to speed.</p><p>But if you added up a multilingual child's vocabulary in all their languages, the total would often surpass the vocab of a monolingual child. So a smaller vocabulary in one language is not a serious problem; it's to be expected.</p><p><br /></p><p>I was irritated that an expert in monolingual education—not in multilingualism—was using their position of authority to advise a multilingual family.</p><p>It also made me reflect how common it is for multilingual families to be discouraged by authorities (teachers, doctors...) who in fact might not know as much about raising multilingual children.</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ Lesson learned</h3><p>It wasn't an easy or pleasant experience, but I think I've learned some things here.</p><p>First, I've adjusted my expectations somewhat, and I think I can better accept the role that the Japanese school can play in our children's growth.</p><p>I am still grateful for the fantastic education the school is providing our children. Our kids' teachers have been wonderfully supportive and open. And there have been administrators whose more international vision I resonated with.</p><p>Second, heeding the educators' warnings about educational careers (進路, for those of you who read Japanese), Engineer (12) and I have been able to discuss what he wants to do for high school and we've started figuring out our strategy going forth—so that's a good, practical outcome that perhaps we wouldn't have gotten to (yet) if it weren't for the interview.</p><p><br /></p><p>All you multilingual families out there, it's not always easy...but let's carry on!</p><p><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">Resources</h2><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Cook, Melodie Lorie, and Louise George Kittaka (eds.). <i><a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1045480" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Intercultural Families and Schooling in Japan: Experiences, Issues, and Challenges</a></i>. Candlin & Mynard ePublishing, 2020.</li><li><a href="https://bilingualkidspot.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Bilingual Kidspot</a>: One of my favorite sources of information for families raising their children bi/multilingually.</li></ul><p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-25420359193797599922021-04-13T20:43:00.001+07:002021-04-13T20:43:26.690+07:00Farewells to Singapore<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL8VG1udp4VpUNQH7IVa3LhHhDWS5mjEJBqbo4id5BHP4eX9FgFYfnuJuzhnxN4EHvoFidAEhYna7sBMPT2bQC_XVOfhgNAR_jF3iGOaGaa0DNDVAEej8u2oL9qMBrnLOxgiB3zpdcVdlE/s6000/20190708+Merlion-002.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4000" data-original-width="6000" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL8VG1udp4VpUNQH7IVa3LhHhDWS5mjEJBqbo4id5BHP4eX9FgFYfnuJuzhnxN4EHvoFidAEhYna7sBMPT2bQC_XVOfhgNAR_jF3iGOaGaa0DNDVAEej8u2oL9qMBrnLOxgiB3zpdcVdlE/w640-h426/20190708+Merlion-002.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p><b>So...we're staying in Thailand.</b></p><p>After <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2021/03/fear-of-putting-down-temporary-roots.html">a year of uncertainty</a>, getting back to Singapore at the right time has proven elusive, and we've had enough.</p><p>We've asked the kids several times and they said they don't mind staying or going but don't want to start the school year late. Totally understandable, considering the last two school years, they missed the first 2+ months and it was tough.</p>
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line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0px 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Byjh7h8JgzA/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">A post shared by Ema Naito (@crossculturalfamily)</a></p></div></blockquote> <script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script>
<p><br /></p><p>The success of Husband's company without him in Singapore is a bit less clear but not the end of the world. We may reassess things in the future.</p><p>My work is location-independent, so I'm fine. Singapore also recently decided they were no longer going to allow people on dependent visas to work locally, so that's no longer an attraction. And I have my friends and choirs here in Bangkok.</p><p>Our Thai family is happy we're staying. I suspect our Thai nanny is also somewhat relieved.</p><p>I am extremely grateful that we are going to be ok.</p><p><br /></p><p>But! I need to grieve a bit now.</p><p><br /></p><p>I'm sad that we can't go back to our house, which I loved. As we were leaving the house a year ago, I quietly prayed that we might all come back again safely. But I guess that's one prayer that won't be coming true.</p><p>I'm disappointed that I won't get the chance to learn more about Singapore and its people and cultures. Despite being happy living long-term in Thailand and having gotten over my TCK restlessness, I was a bit excited about moving to a new country :)</p><p>I mourn the freedom to go out on bike rides in clean air. </p><p>I'll miss being able to speak in English!</p><p>I'm sad that I won't be able to sing again with Eudy, the brilliant choral master of the Singapore Symphony Chorus, or to perform at the Victoria Hall or the Esplanade.</p><p>I'm disappointed I won't be able to develop the friendships that I had just started on. </p><p>I grieve that my son won't be able to join his friends again.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>There's a small part of me that thinks maybe we will eventually manage to get back to Singapore -- and maybe the same house would be available again!</p><p><br /></p><p>But no worries, I will eventually resign myself (to a perfectly great life in Bangkok).</p><p>I'll be ok. And I hope the kids will be ok.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-40259108495012230842021-03-05T18:25:00.003+07:002021-03-27T14:52:38.121+07:00Fear of putting down temporary roots<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiukQTaB4p5dR5Wf5NocNaTapBbWiq5JDj7agKtF6yoSmrTiVfUEobvKEoMC2oL5949SqvNoDV4WoGp9xDwakz4x88GDPWuM9HAGJHsOyxjmTFn_rMa5yB18xcqMxhl0phZZ1Euy9hs-khx/s2048/20061204_082+%25281%2529.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiukQTaB4p5dR5Wf5NocNaTapBbWiq5JDj7agKtF6yoSmrTiVfUEobvKEoMC2oL5949SqvNoDV4WoGp9xDwakz4x88GDPWuM9HAGJHsOyxjmTFn_rMa5yB18xcqMxhl0phZZ1Euy9hs-khx/w640-h360/20061204_082+%25281%2529.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p><b><i>One thing that's tiring about living in limbo is the feeling like you can't fully let yourself put down roots.</i></b></p><p>It's been almost a year since we "temporarily" left Singapore for Bangkok. Initially, I (perhaps naively) expected to be in Bangkok for about three months. Yet, here we are still.</p><p>When we left, I was just <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2019/11/settling-in-making-some-connections.html">starting to feel settled down in Singapore</a>, just past (I hoped!) the culture shock stage. </p><p>Back in Bangkok, I was nervous of reverting to our comfortable and very familiar ways because I feared it might mean that when we did return to Singapore, I'd suffer through the whole process of relocation, culture shock, and adapting all over again.</p><p><br /></p><p>But living in limbo is also hard. It's like your adrenaline is always running and you feel like you have to be on your toes, ready to move again at a moment's notice.</p><p>This article hit the nail on the head: </p><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.alifeoverseas.com/covid-and-culture-shock-feel-the-same-to-your-brain-and-heres-why/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="689" data-original-width="1035" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRo36QQQZgHi9F6ZSP6G29EXvZX51zRjD3o-Oz0R5lCmWXZVgQnYDZxhIh3fXc2oLbPtApSbSEu19XZfOsR9sPm5W2gFvlo0Qvi2bQjDHtJk89cE1wgBf-OAKcF6pltKFTjjpUyXNWw3T3/s320/2021.02.24+culture+shock+and+COVID-19.PNG" style="color: #0000ee; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>"<a href="https://www.alifeoverseas.com/covid-and-culture-shock-feel-the-same-to-your-brain-and-heres-why/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Covid and culture shock feel the same to your brain — and here’s why</a>" by Peter Olson</li></ul><p></p><p><br /></p><p>David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken in <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Third-Culture-Kids-Growing-Revised/dp/1857885252/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><i>Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds</i></a> advise us to let our roots grow in each new place that we live. It was Ruth's father, Charles Frame, who told her:</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Wherever you go in life, unpack your bags—physically and mentally —and plant your trees. ...If you keep thinking about the next move, you'll never live fully where you are.<br /></blockquote><p style="text-align: left;">And I believe that.</p><p>But it turns out, putting it to practice wasn't that easy.</p><p><br /></p><p>The silly thing is that no matter how we try not to settle in, we do. And saying goodbye to the familiar life, no matter how temporary, is going to be hard anyway.</p><p><br /></p><p>...So...we're trying to see if we can get the permissions, etc., to return to Singapore. If all goes well, we head back. And if it doesn't work out, then we will settle back in to Bangkok life.</p><p>Both options have their pros and cons. I wish I could focus on the positive and be excited that we might be in either (ah that's an idea) instead of feeling sad about leaving and sad about not leaving!</p><p><br /></p><p><i>Photo by me, from Mt. Nagao...if I remember correctly...</i></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-86379368440870371242021-02-23T20:38:00.004+07:002021-02-24T20:29:04.218+07:00Pictionary in a multilingual home<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxPzSpv1irJEgGuseuB309MGb2pvGoI-OYH26MzWnhhRx_4AV8zN4hri2KONEzPzvTQ0N0AeFLpdL8mDvEsqVyybDI_hviid75JPQeHUgD-bGXg8pxXDV-OBkwLxJiv5pZ3w7W3c0IGYzb/s1200/book+Buch+%25E6%259C%25AC+%25E0%25B8%25AB%25E0%25B8%2599%25E0%25B8%25B1%25E0%25B8%2587%25E0%25B8%25AA%25E0%25B8%25B7%25E0%25B8%25AD.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Stacked books with the English, German, Japanese and Thai words meaning "book"" border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="800" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxPzSpv1irJEgGuseuB309MGb2pvGoI-OYH26MzWnhhRx_4AV8zN4hri2KONEzPzvTQ0N0AeFLpdL8mDvEsqVyybDI_hviid75JPQeHUgD-bGXg8pxXDV-OBkwLxJiv5pZ3w7W3c0IGYzb/w266-h400/book+Buch+%25E6%259C%25AC+%25E0%25B8%25AB%25E0%25B8%2599%25E0%25B8%25B1%25E0%25B8%2587%25E0%25B8%25AA%25E0%25B8%25B7%25E0%25B8%25AD.png" width="266" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><b><i>I recently got the game Pictionary—without thinking very deeply about it. It was just one of those games that I loved as a young person and I thought our kids would enjoy it.</i></b><p></p><p>Well, it's turned out to be quite a different game in our household!</p><p>The game we have is in English. Engineer (now 12) and Tigerlily (10) both have ok English although not at a native level, so when it's their turn to draw, they look at the card and see if they know the word.</p><p>If it's the adults' turn to guess, the kids have to figure it out themselves, involving a lot of whispered consultations. Oftentimes, Engineer has to read the word for Tigerlily.</p><p>If another adult is also drawing, they can ask us — but they have to ask in Japanese, German, or Thai, depending on who is drawing :)</p><p>I was pretty impressed how many English words Engineer already knew and that Tigerlily could ask Papa for help in German and could understand Papa's explanation to figure out what a "seahorse" was.</p><p>And then of course the guessing is completely multilingual. </p><p>As long as the word is correct, it doesn't matter if it's shouted in Japanese, German, Thai, or English!</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpsmxQz0OKqI1yV3S4FZOT8eyKB5ElWj8axbbqtftlJ5SbglGuJM1NvbkfBpwJcA740NDf1gTUAB6e9G-jUJ9rjLKQp26HIRuxMzg2O8v30aQ7Cpc4ZkS6o1ZpLCAYXyWFWV6Oel-AGif1/s2321/20210211_203343.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2178" data-original-width="2321" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpsmxQz0OKqI1yV3S4FZOT8eyKB5ElWj8axbbqtftlJ5SbglGuJM1NvbkfBpwJcA740NDf1gTUAB6e9G-jUJ9rjLKQp26HIRuxMzg2O8v30aQ7Cpc4ZkS6o1ZpLCAYXyWFWV6Oel-AGif1/s320/20210211_203343.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Can you guess what this word is? By Entropy (6).</td></tr></tbody></table><div><br /></div>It's funny how Husband — who doesn't even like the game and has hardly ever played it — is good at this because he just yells out whatever words come into his mind, regardless of the drawing. (Which completely destroys the purpose of drawing in the first place, but...whatever 🙄)<div><br /></div><div>Meanwhile, Nanny, a smart college grad who can think on her own (if we have a problem or whatever, she can figure out a solution independently — which is not a skill taught in Thai schools), is completely stumped 😁 Maybe this is good association training for her too.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm liking how this game has turned out to be vocab-building.<br /><p>Now if only I can get the kids to play it more. They're a bit discouraged because (ahem) I'm the best player so they all want to be on my team 😂</p><p><br /></p><p>Incidentally, 6-year-old Entropy is enjoying the game as long as there's no competition and he's the only one drawing 🥰</p><p><br /></p><p><i>[Answer to the drawing above: "police" (and also "robber")]</i></p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-29573292481285349802020-12-08T17:49:00.002+07:002022-01-01T14:43:00.787+07:00Making a "foreign" tradition one's own<div><b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEielU4g78DK9sacLWBXV1HnMNYgfvnqFGYT0b2F5ds2a_wQrbABH3BTfUK30ZoLn-yUX87dMAde5V2yzYcCc3fMSef4YwUb62XJSi97f7004kFc7ARPETNq8R1ttxYks8STAStYuLOsBK4V/s560/Clarity+Editor+blog+images.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Decorative image of two towering white Thai stupas against the blue sky" border="0" data-original-height="315" data-original-width="560" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEielU4g78DK9sacLWBXV1HnMNYgfvnqFGYT0b2F5ds2a_wQrbABH3BTfUK30ZoLn-yUX87dMAde5V2yzYcCc3fMSef4YwUb62XJSi97f7004kFc7ARPETNq8R1ttxYks8STAStYuLOsBK4V/s16000/Clarity+Editor+blog+images.png" /></a></div><br /></b></div><b>Every year, our Thai family goes to the family temple for monks' prayers. I always thought of it as "their" ritual...but I finally begin to think of it as my own chance to remember family members who've passed on.</b><br />
<br />
My husband's Thai family annually gathers at their family temple to pay respects to those who have gone before us. The ritual includes visiting the stupa where (some of) the ashes of Husband's grandparents, uncle, great-aunt and great-uncle, and now his mom are interred.<br /><br />
I respect this ritual because it's important to my Thai family but always thought of it as "<i>their </i>ritual," "<i>their </i>culture."<div><br /></div><div>I saw the local rituals as interesting but unconnected to myself. I was happy that I was assimilating a bit—enough to know how to participate—and that made me feel a little less of an expat in a foreign culture. But it was only on the surface. </div><div><br /></div><div><br />Then last year, it dawned upon me that the prayers whose words I didn't understand could be for my Japanese grandmothers and grandfathers and uncle and great-grandmother and great-grandfather too.<br /><br />That while my Thai family was remembering their ancestors and family members, I could remember my Japanese family and honor their memories.<div><br /></div><div>It was a comforting thought, because I haven't been able to visit the graves in Japan in years.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's nice to find a part of this "foreign" culture that connects to something personal. A piece of it becomes "mine," no longer "theirs."</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>When I was much younger, I grappled with my cultural identity. When I was a teenager in the US, I clung to my being Japanese (or at least, Asian, adamantly <i>not </i>American), but at the same time, I never felt I was Japanese enough; I was a foreigner in Japan.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>Maybe as a reaction to that, I grew rather blasé about "my" culture.</div><div><br /></div></div><div><br /></div></div><div>Lately—and it's mainly thanks to all the virtual connections I've made under lockdowns, so thank you (?), lockdown—I'm starting to process how my Third Culture Kid upbringing has shaped who I am. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have both East and West inside of me. And no one culture will define me. I will have my own funny, mixed up culture. </div><div><br /></div><div>And one day, I think I will be able to embrace that and stop feeling like I'm not "enough" of anything.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>———</div><div><br /></div><div><i><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.tcksofasia.org/podcast" rel="nofollow" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="TCKs of Asia podcast logo. A tree with colorful bubbles on its branches, with the title Third Culture Stories" border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTFzkDDfhavil_EXP27G3W6FzHWHV_pNW4aiE-kaVP_2hT9hhNQQA7E68brO6RVUTNTC1Ew7bQp1amXhtml_cI6fxU9GOHQnJIfDCClTt6lKAOIiZJJ9gvUKBDMrbTlBHthuyh_yCdtrEO/w200-h200/ToA+third+culture+stories.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Sooooo grateful for my encounter with <a href="https://www.tcksofasia.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">TCKs of Asia</a> <3 If you're a TCK with links to Asia, do check the group out! </i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>They've hosted some incredible forums on the Asian twist to the TCK experience — through language, family relationships, schooling, etc. You can listen to <a href="https://www.tcksofasia.org/podcast" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">past forums on their podcast</a>.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>(Podcast logo design by Karen Tan)</i></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-82465687626431858012020-12-04T20:29:00.009+07:002020-12-04T23:48:58.392+07:00How do we learn to belong? TCKs of Asia forum (12 December 2020)<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.tcksofasia.org/forum" rel="nofollow" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="1242" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6Xlt1eeQgwnMZBGi3kHxruQFyix63F6riwfC2_VSumKVzhVtnwrt_R-QgQLeT3ZvyNMDLbDo98eb7Q90ipVkEfV1z71bopUA5LVbqQj1eV5Qon5ff537vlH5Sa7nk2-XzoHu4XK_QrdBj/w494-h640/Poster+2020.12.12+How+do+we+learn+to+belong.jpg" width="494" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><b><i>Can one learn how to belong? The Third Culture Kid experience makes it especially difficult for children to find that sense of belonging that we all need as humans. TCKs of Asia will be holding an online forum to reflect on whether we can learn to find community.</i></b></p><p>One of the hardest things about moving countries as an adolescent was trying to understand who I was — where did I belong? I had such a hard time fitting in. Most adolescents go through this, but the experience is extra-complicated when it involves a whole new country, culture, and language.</p><p>As TCKs of Asia write:</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: left;">We all have a need to belong and be unique at the same time.... But when we grow up between different countries, languages and cultures, it can be hard to feel a strong sense of belonging to any one place or culture. [Do] we either belong or we don’t? Or can we learn how to belong?</p></blockquote><p><a href="https://www.tcksofasia.org/forum" target="_blank">On 12 December 2020</a>, I'll be joining a panel of five adult Third Culture Kids of Asia as we reflect on our experiences trying to fit in and find community. And — as wiser adults?! — we hope to share some ways we learned to find belonging.</p><p>Please come and join us! You can register through the <a href="https://www.tcksofasia.org/forum" target="_blank">forum site</a>.</p><p>We'll have a chunk of time for open discussion, where we hope you will also share your experiences and tell us what resonated.</p><p>(Ha, I just realized I'd <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2020/09/on-tcks-and-friendships.html">already written about</a> some of the things I want to share 😊)</p><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">More info</h3><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Learn more about <a href="https://www.tcksofasia.org/" target="_blank">TCKs of Asia</a></li><li>Check out our <a href="https://www.tcksofasia.org/podcast" target="_blank">Third Culture Stories podcast</a> to listen to past TCKs of Asia forums</li><li>About <a href="https://www.figt.org/" target="_blank">Families in Global Transition</a>, the organization that brought us together</li></ul><p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-87454153869427169912020-09-29T17:08:00.001+07:002020-09-29T17:08:13.612+07:00On TCKs and friendships<div><b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin_BIqlbmOLOkuYs7SfFxI7MnEoonpUwMxyfPvFasK8qNttCtavCKjuXdD6GupMw7wJ0kQfUqkdYe1v0vfr-JJdg5R5SWLKrM7sdEf-Mu6grhyUztXWSnRdp9NqcqKSdwf0EgqSEhJMTPm/s1280/children-839789_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin_BIqlbmOLOkuYs7SfFxI7MnEoonpUwMxyfPvFasK8qNttCtavCKjuXdD6GupMw7wJ0kQfUqkdYe1v0vfr-JJdg5R5SWLKrM7sdEf-Mu6grhyUztXWSnRdp9NqcqKSdwf0EgqSEhJMTPm/w640-h360/children-839789_1280.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><i><br /></i></b></div><div><b><i>Do Third Culture Kids really make friends faster than regular kids? What helped me settle in when we moved?</i></b></div><div><br /></div>I had a chance to chat with some TCKs about friendships. As always, such conversations and the flurry of thoughts and memories they trigger need to be digested...hence, this blog post.<div><br /><div><h2 style="text-align: left;">"TCKs make friends quickly" or "slow cooker"?</h2><div><div>There's a notion that TCKs, having moved around so much, learn as a survival technique how to make friends quickly.</div><div><br /></div></div><div>It's probably true to an extent, although I suspect TCKs might get better at making superficial friendships quickly but keep their cores well-protected. It's that core that gets hurt and raw with each good-bye, after all.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I always found making friends the most daunting and painful part of moving, and <b>"making friends quickly" would be the exact opposite<i> </i>of how I experienced my moves</b>, from elementary school through to high school.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm a "slow cooker" (thanks to a fellow TCK for that expression!): I need time and the sharing of common spaces and daily experiences before I can get comfortable with people. </div><div><br /></div><div>And it's only now, in my 40s, that I think I've finally gotten over my dread of meeting new people and feel I can at least carry on superficial conversations even with people I don't know so well.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>While it might be my personality irrespective of TCKhood, I've always felt that there's a barrier between myself and most other people. And it makes me act superficially nice with them, no matter how much I might actually and sincerely like the other person and want to be "real" with them.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div>...Which is the more the reason why I treasure my close friends and husband, with whom I don't feel this barrier.</div><div><br /></div><div>(For some mysterious reason, with some people, I feel immediately comfortable. And it has nothing to do with whether they're fellow TCKs or not. Must be animal instinct 😁)</div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg15KKuY6ZC5wajh2NWkjqC4c3Ml6_aX7X1YUHxHz2R6MXYDrhejOrucly9Mc2ZcfGHhyphenhyphenqBWAMt81V1ztIf1h7avbPARPzjVH5t46JjLujwvOJ_JvKaKITEdaEjqz_ZKvB7QulBzPKkNNJw/s1280/game-characters-3649936_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="618" data-original-width="1280" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg15KKuY6ZC5wajh2NWkjqC4c3Ml6_aX7X1YUHxHz2R6MXYDrhejOrucly9Mc2ZcfGHhyphenhyphenqBWAMt81V1ztIf1h7avbPARPzjVH5t46JjLujwvOJ_JvKaKITEdaEjqz_ZKvB7QulBzPKkNNJw/w400-h193/game-characters-3649936_1280.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: left;">Finding my group</h2><div>The absolutely worst part about US middle and high school for me was lunch time. That was when it would be painfully evident whether and where you fit.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's really just like you might see on American TV shows: you have your tray (or lunch bag) and stand there at the edge of a big cafeteria, scoping the room out and trying to figure out with whom you could sit.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sooooooo many social cues you have to understand in that moment! </div><div><br /></div><div>When you're so alone and so exposed!</div><div><br /></div><div>Whom do you belong with? Who's your tribe? Where do you fit (if at all) in this social space?</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Even now, picturing it in my head makes me feel panicky! 😂</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>As the new foreign kid, I felt lost without my group. I hated feeling unanchored but couldn't figure out how to join the school's well-established cliques. Most of the kids in school had been together all their lives. I had no idea how to break into such groups. (I was amazed later when other new kids would blend right in. What was the difference, I wonder? My foreignness?)</div><div><br /></div><div>Thank goodness for ESL class—at least there I could meet with other kids from abroad, the outliers.</div><div><br /></div><div>And once I could befriend (latch on to!) one person, we could then collect a few others like us to form our own group.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>Those friends were mostly other international kids; it was rare for me to become close friends with an American kid (although I do have 2-3 American friends who are "kindred spirits" and whom I treasure to this day).</div><div><br /></div></div><div><br /></div><div><div>So yeah, that was my formula for surviving school: find one friend and then create a group of my own from there.</div><div><br /></div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqEFF7MiGPpt69xfG-Z3J_7SsTIzVbtRkmvlba0t3bFUkcsPdtj0QVe6W33yTDZbQnC4rHXb4pDyc41cMdIRBIKBkGkHxUkJ5ytlOITYTbSPBL6MyDpWkYop3CfVxVtlsoxMTDXpWFzh8p/s1280/crowd-5244834_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="1280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqEFF7MiGPpt69xfG-Z3J_7SsTIzVbtRkmvlba0t3bFUkcsPdtj0QVe6W33yTDZbQnC4rHXb4pDyc41cMdIRBIKBkGkHxUkJ5ytlOITYTbSPBL6MyDpWkYop3CfVxVtlsoxMTDXpWFzh8p/s320/crowd-5244834_1280.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div>Looking back now, I think I never did fully fit into "American" life. </div><div><br /></div><div>You'd think I was pretty well integrated—I spoke with a purely American accent, I acted reasonably American, I could follow and make cultural jokes and references.</div><div><div><br /></div><div>And I thought of myself as pretty integrated too. </div><div><br /></div><div>I mean, if I didn't think of myself as a reasonably American teenager, what was I? I certainly wasn't Japanese enough to qualify as being "real Japanese" (I didn't really understand how the Japanese socialized either—that was something I had to learn in my 20s).</div></div><div><br /></div><div>But maybe that feeling of discomfort, the difficulty relating to the typical American kid—those were because I never lost my foreignness despite the superficial adapting.</div><div><br /></div></div></div><div><br /></div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div><br /></div><div>I don't know where I'm going with this 😅 but it's interesting to reflect back and find some insights into what I thought I already understood.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-16199799650488918552020-07-12T11:11:00.007+07:002020-07-12T11:31:36.538+07:00To give or not to give "helpful" suggestions to people of less privilege<div><b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwzmiWCy0CJLZYyL9_tF2f88PvZHAezXCmSh_DKlxyL3tnVVJDD1GeU-3LRXSC5fZYHdTGw_2BySKmdIigLe6f_T4NGHjXXfNRww70llgsCxS3H4tOe8KWGieacuTmb3K1N6_leyO5CFtX/s1279/train-station-863337_1280.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Decorative image of Asian woman and a train zooming by" border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1279" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwzmiWCy0CJLZYyL9_tF2f88PvZHAezXCmSh_DKlxyL3tnVVJDD1GeU-3LRXSC5fZYHdTGw_2BySKmdIigLe6f_T4NGHjXXfNRww70llgsCxS3H4tOe8KWGieacuTmb3K1N6_leyO5CFtX/w400-h225/train-station-863337_1280.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><i><br /></i></b></div><div><b><i>"Should I suggest to a foreigner that they change their name to make life easier for themself?" Answer: </i></b><b><i>Don't. </i></b><b><i>No matter how well-meaning.</i></b></div><div><br /></div>"At work, I'm training a person from a foreign country who has a difficult name to pronounce and to remember. Should I suggest that it might make their life easier if they shortened their name, like others in earlier cohorts have?"<br />
<br />
This question was raised by a (judging from the profile pic) white person from what I presumed to be an English-speaking country.<br />
<br />
I recognize that this comes from a good place, that it's well-meaning, that the person who was asking was, as a trainer/mentor, trying to think of ways to make the adjustment easier for the trainee.<br />
<br />
That was my calm, reasonable voice.<br />
<br />
But my gut reaction was a vehement and furious "NO!!"<br />
<br />
Suggesting that someone change their name to fit in screams condescension.<br />
<br />
It tells them: "You are a foreigner, you aren't good enough for us as you are, you have to efface whatever part of you is foreign so that you can blend in."<br />
<br />Some people will say that I'm blowing it all out of proportion—after all, <i>they </i>wouldn't mind if someone gave <i>them</i> this "helpful" advice.<br />
<br />
I wonder if such people have ever been in the minority, the outsider, where it's constantly signaled to you—in looks, in words (no matter how kind), in deeds—that you don't fit in, that you're foreign, an alien.<br />
<br />
You <i>could </i>say it was being realistic, even if it wasn't the trainee's fault that others couldn't pronounce their name.<br />
<br />
But why be party to such a petty reality?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I liked the advice that someone else gave on the forum:<br />
<br /><i>First, wait for the foreign trainee to bring up the issue themself. </i><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>Then acknowledge that it's an unfortunate challenge, and brainstorm with them an easy, memorable way to teach others their unusual, hard-to-pronounce name.</i><br />
<br /><br /><br />
I know it's not easy or even all that clear-cut how to be culturally sensitive. Too often, I, too, feel like my well-meaning attempt <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2020/06/white-privilege-as-pale-asian-in-asia.html">as a "pale Asian"</a> to be sensitive only comes across as being patronizing.<div>
<br /><div>So if you are a person with privilege (in whatever form), and want to make "helpful" suggestions to a person of less privilege so that they "fit in" better, please instead take those suggestions and make them to others who have privilege like you.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Be supportive of the persons of less power, be a listener when they do come to you. I'm sure they will appreciate having you as a friend or supportive colleague.</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-28126269926733326872020-06-22T17:20:00.018+07:002020-12-17T12:58:03.587+07:00"White" privilege as a pale Asian in Asia<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAMuRPxIWoh7yRtHIKGAe4beUbt5m_sdtDDnlHRDiPiOB6KTw8DTJ1ic__nNpmO9v9BadgfjRYBVAKbS6WU08zQOYVjJ3eA7RLBg9MlCiDpx_O8jz3bdAp3qOk1DUO6OOZ02dQY3UHsnYc/s1276/racism-5266891_1280.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="710" data-original-width="1276" height="349" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAMuRPxIWoh7yRtHIKGAe4beUbt5m_sdtDDnlHRDiPiOB6KTw8DTJ1ic__nNpmO9v9BadgfjRYBVAKbS6WU08zQOYVjJ3eA7RLBg9MlCiDpx_O8jz3bdAp3qOk1DUO6OOZ02dQY3UHsnYc/w625-h349/racism-5266891_1280.jpg" width="625" /></a></div><i><br /></i></div><div><b><i>What does it mean to be a pale-skinned Asian in Asia? What do "white privilege" and "person of color" mean to an Asian not living in a white majority country like the US? (I'm not addressing the Black Lives Matter movement...not yet sure how to where I am, to be honest.)</i></b></div><i><div><i><br /></i></div>Racism.</i> <div><br /></div><div>It's such an ugly word. No wonder none of us who consider ourselves reasonably open-minded want to associate ourselves with it.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/racism" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Merriam Webster defines it</a> as:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz16gJvXmogG6My5axb2VmxOR2pIBf309LBSf7ThrsRqtWBSicGsQ0xiScKH6_igyqRKlDt2zbsT9vGftrldKFm_NwZuSxVzEec688EKxSAsJcLwiFEh3yfogi0dZ5f2dwvnvYEd7iX55j/s800/M-W+defn+of+racism.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Merriam Webster definition of "racism": 1. A belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race; 2a. A doctrine or political program based on the assumption of racism and designed to execute its principles; 2b. A political or social system founded on racism; 3. Racial prejudice or discrimination" border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz16gJvXmogG6My5axb2VmxOR2pIBf309LBSf7ThrsRqtWBSicGsQ0xiScKH6_igyqRKlDt2zbsT9vGftrldKFm_NwZuSxVzEec688EKxSAsJcLwiFEh3yfogi0dZ5f2dwvnvYEd7iX55j/w400-h400/M-W+defn+of+racism.png" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Skirting the whole discussion of systematic racism, I want to reflect on my personal experiences with racism.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>As humans, we classify people based on easily-seen signals like skin color. We use these signals to put people we don't know into manageable boxes. (And I was glad to read <a href="https://www.ibramxkendi.com/how-to-be-an-antiracist-1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Ibram X. Kendi in his </a><i><a href="https://www.ibramxkendi.com/how-to-be-an-antiracist-1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">How to Be an Antiracist</a> </i>bluntly state that "racist" is descriptive; we are all racist and it's not meant to be pejorative.)</div><div><br /></div><div>And it's easy to see how those whom we label as "Other" can be viewed with—at the mildest level—suspicion or discomfort.</div><div><br /></div><div>I was struggling to put my vague thoughts about what is racism, why does it occur, what does "white privilege" mean, etc. etc. into words when I was struck by the following graphic by <a href="https://www.courtneyahndesign.com/illustration/guide-white-privilege" target="_blank">Courtney Ahn</a>, a Korean-American graphic designer (especially the first point in the set):</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>
<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B9DfahhBChU/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.5) 0px 0px 1px 0px, rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.15) 0px 1px 10px 0px; margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0px; width: 99.375%;"><div style="padding: 16px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B9DfahhBChU/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); line-height: 0; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: 100%;" target="_blank"> <div style="align-items: center; display: flex; flex-direction: row;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0px;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0px auto 12px; width: 50px;"><svg height="50px" version="1.1" viewbox="0 0 60 60" width="50px" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg"><g fill-rule="evenodd" fill="none" stroke-width="1" stroke="none"><g fill="#000000" transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;"> View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0px;"></div> <div style="align-items: center; display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px;"><div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px); width: 12.5px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12.5px; margin-left: 2px; margin-right: 14px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px); width: 12.5px;"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div> <div style="border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid rgb(244, 244, 244); border-top: 2px solid transparent; height: 0px; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg); width: 0px;"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="border-right: 8px solid transparent; border-top: 8px solid rgb(244, 244, 244); transform: translateY(16px); width: 0px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; transform: translateY(-4px); width: 16px;"></div> <div style="border-left: 8px solid transparent; border-top: 8px solid rgb(244, 244, 244); height: 0px; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px); width: 0px;"></div></div></div></a> <p style="margin: 8px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B9DfahhBChU/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: black; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">I’ve had this series idea in my mind for quite a while now...so here it is! As a Korean-American, I can’t speak to the unique experiences of other marginalized groups in the US, but as a fellow minority I empathize with your hardships, acknowledge your struggles, and will continue to amplify the voices of all POC 💕 UPDATE: turning off comments as the amount of conversation here is blowing up my alerts and the amount of mental effort required to keep up with everything has been very straining, as well as the conversation here is quickly turning aggressive and derisive for everyone. Please DM me if you have specific concerns/questions about the series(but please do a google search first)! Please see my repost rules highlight before sharing ✌️ 〰️ #blackhistorymonth #whiteprivilege #privilege #checkyourprivilege #racialequality #illo #illustration #digitalillustration #procreate #illustrator #illustratorsoninstagram #draweveryday #sketchbook #digitalart #drawingoftheday #ladieswhodraw #womenwhodraw #pdxillustrators #illustratorsoninstagram #womensupportingwomen #feminist #designer #womanownedbusiness #portlandartist #womenofillustration #femaleillustrator #femaleartist #womanartist #femaleartists #womenartists</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0px 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/courtneyahndesign/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" target="_blank"> courtney (courn) ahn</a> (@courtneyahndesign) on <time datetime="2020-02-27T03:03:31+00:00" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Feb 26, 2020 at 7:03pm PST</time></p></div></blockquote> <script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script>
<div><br /></div><div><div>(I'm not entirely sure where the words about not having had to struggle because of your skin color come from. There's a <i>Medium </i>article "<a href="https://medium.com/@brunchandbudget/white-privilege-doesnt-mean-you-ve-never-had-to-struggle-5b2633cbb151" target="_blank">White privilege doesn't mean you've never had to struggle</a>," dated 27 August 2017 by Pamela Capalad that uses almost the same words.)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">Another kind of white privilege</h3></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div><div style="text-align: left;">"It means your skin tone isn't one of the things making [your life] harder!"</div></div></blockquote><div><div><br /></div><div>These words made it clear to me that I enjoy a kind of white privilege too, as a "pale" Asian living in Asia.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>I grew up in the US; I have experienced what it's like to be judged based solely on one's looks. Lucky for me that there, Asians are seen as the good minority, so I didn't suffer automatic suspicion and antagonism for the most part. It's nothing like what a Black person has to live through.</div><div><br /></div><div>But yeah I've had to put up with the jokes about slanted eyes (phrased more coarsely!) and expected math genius-ness, the sing-song noises, and compliments on my "good English" 🙄 And yeah, I've been spit on too while walking home from school.</div><div><br /></div><div>So of course I love living where my skin color and facial features aren't something that I'm made uncomfortably conscious of every day.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div>My confession: living in Southeast Asia is made the more comfortable because I have the privilege of my skin color.</div></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">On being a "person of color"</h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIrUFpg8k2aSPVVQNRmEYRC8m5XHdehyd-k-F62yn436ZKV-RuTpw5SCmsYVcTSkwnIG0jvhi7N4ml1giFe6rMUcm4nXNC5TL9W2Tre3n_WeSqOKePmn-PB5sEDDmSowL1j6m4eki1xuiy/s1280/makeup-259170_1280.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Decorative image of eye shadow palette" border="0" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="1280" height="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIrUFpg8k2aSPVVQNRmEYRC8m5XHdehyd-k-F62yn436ZKV-RuTpw5SCmsYVcTSkwnIG0jvhi7N4ml1giFe6rMUcm4nXNC5TL9W2Tre3n_WeSqOKePmn-PB5sEDDmSowL1j6m4eki1xuiy/w256-h170/makeup-259170_1280.jpg" width="256" /></a></div><div>Maybe it's because I haven't lived in the US for 20 years and the term didn't really exist back then to describe non-white people and it's because I'm living Asian white privilege in Asia, I don't really associate myself with the term "person of color."</div><div><br /></div><div>It's currently considered a respectful way to refer to someone who isn't white, but to me, it still implies that the default skin color is white.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>That might make sense in the Western world where the majority is (usually) white, but it makes little sense to call myself a person of color (to mean I'm Asian) when I'm a light-skinned Asian in Asia.</div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;">So now what</h3><div>That's the question, isn't it. I haven't forgotten what it's like to be at a disadvantage based on skin color and facial features. </div><div><br /></div><div>Race and privilege are always on my mind, even when it's to acknowledge my privilege. </div><div><br /></div><div>Which is every time a security guard politely salutes me at the mall, every time a staff member from someone's household or from Husband's company greets me with deference, every time a taxi driver compliments me on how my compatriots are so polite.</div><div><br /></div><div>But I've also gotten complacent.</div><div><br /></div><div>And I've been avoiding this topic with my mixed-race but also pale kids because I don't know how to address it.</div><div><br /></div><div>But as Kendi says, "the only way to undo racism is to consistently identify and describe it — and then dismantle it."</div><div><br /></div><div>So I will read more, I will try to bring attention to race and privilege with my kids. I will try not to let things slide.</div><div><br /></div><div>I will try to be more conscious of bringing diverse voices to the fore in my volunteer work as FIGT blog editor and also in my work as an editor.</div><div><br /></div><div>That's my action plan for now!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: left;">Resource(s)</h2><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><a href="https://www.washingtonian.com/2020/06/01/nmaahc-african-american-history-museum-talking-about-race-web-portal/?fbclid=IwAR20cQxCDUKqUtia04pVeZMhrUAQ-JxdkgYz52fEUhphOUcv8e3v7IRFVwE" target="_blank">Educate Yourself Today: The African American History Museum Wants to Help You Talk About Race and Racism</a></li><li><a href="http://www.mommymaestra.com/2016/07/15-ways-to-raise-non-racist-children.html" target="_blank">15 Ways to Raise Non-Racist Children</a> (OMG this is dated <i>2016</i>. Ugh, nothing has changed.)</li><li><a href="https://www.biculturalmama.com/2018/04/teaching-kids-embrace-diversity.html" target="_blank">Teaching Kids to Embrace Diversity</a></li><li><a href="https://bilingualkidspot.com/2019/05/14/how-to-talk-about-race-and-racism-in-early-childhood/" target="_blank">How to Talk about Race and Racism in Early Childhood</a></li></ul></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-31508708644083582492020-05-11T12:42:00.005+07:002020-05-11T12:46:16.677+07:00The not-so-rosy side of expat stay-at-home life<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiEuMbCeUoJWjUURH5GvEzHteKiQMTxNcNo7UkOH087rWGpIwNYrAmb_-E9hsynoTXnqMFLHP_KEW3N2RRFjyBq_R9j4cpuHiFkzNwjo_Pfb-Tcft2HvRb4nyJClRpFeS0jASBxz3AMz7j/" style="font-size: 18.72px; font-weight: 700; text-align: center;"><img alt="Decorative image of padlock with heart on wooden door" border="0" data-original-height="710" data-original-width="1280" height="356" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiEuMbCeUoJWjUURH5GvEzHteKiQMTxNcNo7UkOH087rWGpIwNYrAmb_-E9hsynoTXnqMFLHP_KEW3N2RRFjyBq_R9j4cpuHiFkzNwjo_Pfb-Tcft2HvRb4nyJClRpFeS0jASBxz3AMz7j/w640-h356/lock-1516242_1280.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div><b><i>I know that we are incredibly privileged in our (soft) lockdown life in Bangkok and I'm deeply grateful for that. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't stressed!</i></b><div><br /></div><div>We're living a privileged lifestyle (we're not on an expat package but do have a family support network that's incredibly rich in social capital and the cost of living in Thailand allows us to live comfortably), but it's not all rosy and wonderful.</div><div><br /></div><div>Let me be honest here.</div><h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ It's unsettling to be neither here nor there</h3><div>Funny to realize that a year ago I was also <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2019/05/in-limbo-waiting-for-international-move.html" target="_blank">feeling in limbo</a> 😂 Last year, it was about waiting to make the planned move to Singapore actually happen; this year, it's about continuing a 'temporary' life indefinitely.</div><div><br /></div><div>While Bangkok gently eases out of lockdown and shows some hope of a return to 'normal', Singapore's unlikely to open up for a while yet. Even when it does, as foreigners, we will have to get permission to return and heaven knows when that will be granted for our whole family.</div><div><br /></div><div>So my initial vague hope that we might return within this school term (i.e., by June...) is looking increasingly unlikely and we'd be lucky if we can make it back before the second school term begins in September. This feeling of being stuck in a hold pattern is...well, unsettling, to say the least.</div><div><br /></div><div>The thing that's preventing me from getting comfortable here in Bangkok is probably my fear that if I get <i>too </i>comfortable, I'd have to readjust from scratch when we go back to Singapore. Culture shock and readjustment all over again, just as I thought I'd managed to <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2019/11/settling-in-making-some-connections.html" target="_blank">get through those stages</a>. Sigh.</div><h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ Home schooling sucks especially when combined with mommy guilt</h3><div>Like last year when we were moving to Singapore, I'm trying to home-school Engineer and Tigerlily so they don't fall too far behind their classmates. </div><div><br /></div><div>At least this year, we're using an online tutoring service, which is a huge improvement over last year's utter failure.</div><div><br /></div><div>(I note that this Instagram pic from last year was posted in June...amazing that I lasted that long!!)</div>
<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/Byjh7h8JgzA/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.5) 0px 0px 1px 0px, rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.15) 0px 1px 10px 0px; margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0px; width: 99.375%;"><div style="padding: 16px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Byjh7h8JgzA/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); line-height: 0; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: 100%;" target="_blank"> <div style="align-items: center; display: flex; flex-direction: row;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0px;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0px auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;"> View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0px;"></div> <div style="align-items: center; display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px;"><div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px); width: 12.5px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12.5px; margin-left: 2px; margin-right: 14px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px); width: 12.5px;"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div> <div style="border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid rgb(244, 244, 244); border-top: 2px solid transparent; height: 0px; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg); width: 0px;"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="border-right: 8px solid transparent; border-top: 8px solid rgb(244, 244, 244); transform: translateY(16px); width: 0px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; transform: translateY(-4px); width: 16px;"></div> <div style="border-left: 8px solid transparent; border-top: 8px solid rgb(244, 244, 244); height: 0px; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px); width: 0px;"></div></div></div></a> <p style="margin: 8px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Byjh7h8JgzA/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Post-international-move homeschooling while waiting for the paperwork to get the kids in school. So over this 😩 引っ越し後、何かと手続きに手間取って、未だ学校に通わせられず。春休み以来、日々怒涛の自宅学習。もう勘弁して〜😵</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0px 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/crossculturalfamily/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" target="_blank"> Ema's Cross Cultural Family</a> (@crossculturalfamily) on <time datetime="2019-06-11T03:55:51+00:00" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Jun 10, 2019 at 8:55pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote> <script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script>
<div><br /></div><div>But it's still frustrating and exasperating and draining to be nagging the kids to study! And I can't help feeling the pressure to not let the kids fall behind.</div><div><br /></div><div>What's worse is the feeling of guilt that it was our decision to come to Bangkok and to take them out of school in Singapore...and that's now keeping them from being 'with' their friends in the sense that they're not going through the same exact thing with their classmates, especially if schools open up again but we're not yet allowed back into the country.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have to believe that these factors are out of my control and that it's OK—the whole world is severely disrupted, it's not my fault—and <b>THE KIDS WILL BE OK</b>.</div><h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ Not having quiet space and uninterrupted time to do my work is draining</h3><div>As someone who is tired out by incessant noise (but strangely finds the hum of cafes soothing...unless someone is talking in a particularly large voice), I find being in one room with the kids for most of the day draining.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm utterly grateful that I have help to watch over the kids and that I do usually get one hour of complete peace and quiet in the late afternoon while the kids go for their daily swim. But it's not the same time that I do my editing work.</div><div><br /></div><div>Here's an extreme case. You can see from the screenshot of my timer app how chopped up my work hours are:</div><div><br /></div>
<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B_waaRbpb0f/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.5) 0px 0px 1px 0px, rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.15) 0px 1px 10px 0px; margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0px; width: 99.375%;"><div style="padding: 16px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B_waaRbpb0f/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); line-height: 0; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: 100%;" target="_blank"> <div style="align-items: center; display: flex; flex-direction: row;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0px;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0px auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;"> View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0px;"></div> <div style="align-items: center; display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px;"><div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px); width: 12.5px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12.5px; margin-left: 2px; margin-right: 14px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px); width: 12.5px;"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div> <div style="border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid rgb(244, 244, 244); border-top: 2px solid transparent; height: 0px; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg); width: 0px;"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="border-right: 8px solid transparent; border-top: 8px solid rgb(244, 244, 244); transform: translateY(16px); width: 0px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; transform: translateY(-4px); width: 16px;"></div> <div style="border-left: 8px solid transparent; border-top: 8px solid rgb(244, 244, 244); height: 0px; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px); width: 0px;"></div></div></div></a> <p style="margin: 8px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B_waaRbpb0f/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">WFH with kids: My work time tracker confirms that it's tough to get uninterrupted time! 仕事時間の記録が物語る。子どもがいる在宅勤務の実態…😂 #lifeunderlockdown #wfhwithkids #freelanceeditorlife</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0px 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/crossculturalfamily/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" target="_blank"> Ema's Cross Cultural Family</a> (@crossculturalfamily) on <time datetime="2020-05-04T06:48:24+00:00" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">May 3, 2020 at 11:48pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote> <script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script>
<div><br /></div><div>It's irritating as heck 😭</div><div><br /></div><div>...</div><div><br /></div><div>But I know, I know, I'm absolutely in no position to complain. </div><div><br /></div><div>Now that I've written these down, I recognize some things that I need to let go as being out of my control.</div><div><br /></div><div>And as <i>Third Culture Kids</i> wisely recommends, I should stop thinking of this life as temporary. This is our life, now.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><i>Cover photo by Image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/ShonEjai-1075665/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=1516242">ShonEjai</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=1516242">Pixabay</a></i></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-7880683819776565972020-05-06T19:29:00.006+07:002020-05-11T12:21:57.285+07:00The happy physical-distancing stay-at-home life<div><b><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE8l5oKO43Pb_z0IeBfpX16z7BaLyQg6QftgadPSHQ-IBXUNqYGhzu-qY-rG7YVRvjRMhMyHvZBt_AxIdsCgiHIPIYIr_ZMo5a5iT0_9imLljOzZyGRDztuHJ6zygspzxL9gW4T7TrZVV2/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Decorative image that spells out: Home" border="0" data-original-height="709" data-original-width="1277" height="356" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE8l5oKO43Pb_z0IeBfpX16z7BaLyQg6QftgadPSHQ-IBXUNqYGhzu-qY-rG7YVRvjRMhMyHvZBt_AxIdsCgiHIPIYIr_ZMo5a5iT0_9imLljOzZyGRDztuHJ6zygspzxL9gW4T7TrZVV2/w640-h356/home-2406416_1280.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><i><br /></i></b></div><div><b><i>Staying at home isn't easy for many people around the world. I'm thoroughly grateful for what we have in our physical-distancing life...</i></b></div><div><br /></div>We had a stressful period while <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2020/03/globally-mobile-life-vulnerability-in.html" target="_blank">trying to decide whether to leave the country or not</a> and we're always worried about how the kids are going to keep up with their classmates in Singapore, who are doing rigorous home-based learning, but since returning to our old home in Bangkok, life has been pretty kind to us.<br />
<br />
So here are things I'm grateful for in life under (soft) lockdown.<br /><h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ We have space; the kids have space</h3>
We're staying at home but we are <i>most</i> fortunate that there is more than one room for the kids to be in.<br />
<br />
Granted, they're usually in our family room, which also contains my working desk (not ideal!!), but at least there is a kids' play/TV room in their late uncle's quarters across a passageway and a storage room downstairs that Auntie had cleared up for Engineer to spread out his huge Plarail train set.<br />
<br />
I'm also thankful that Husband can continue going to his lab during the week so he's got his own space. Don't get me wrong — I love it when he's home but he's also quite noise-sensitive and keeping the kids' noises down while he's home could get a bit tiring 😁<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ The kids have a pool to play in</h3>
If this weren't privileged, what is? (^^; But there you have it. <div><br /></div><div>A few years ago, Auntie decided to build a small pool next to her house. The kids are using it every day. It's too small to actually swim in, but perfect for kids to play in and get their exercise.<br />
<h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ We have many helping hands</h3>We are utterly spoiled in that we have helpers to clean and wash and launder, to keep 5-year-old Entropy entertained, to keep an eye on the kids in the pool, and to make the kids their dinner.<br /><h3 style="text-align: left;">☘ We can stay connected, be active (somewhat), keep learning, notice, and give</h3>I just learned during a casual <a href="https://www.figt.org/" target="_blank">FIGT</a> Coffee & Chat over Zoom about the Five Ways to Wellbeing. It's a model to promote mental health and wellbeing and, as intercultural psychologist <a href="http://www.cicollective.com/blog/2017/7/13/5-ways-to-wellbeing-for-expats.html" target="_blank">Trisha Carter explained</a>, one that has particular relevance as we all stay physically distant.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioQal-5p6G2N0ql0JdSbppOpyY29nYjL0nVUZLRlj8sP65Drgo0fWKGEqqSxddSH2ApkR0SQorwD51S5ggTEXf_chnzBpOG77S4PuzsHlzufaJDUvtZQOvGaFfDNnCf68PBcxoBhz9jLWn/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioQal-5p6G2N0ql0JdSbppOpyY29nYjL0nVUZLRlj8sP65Drgo0fWKGEqqSxddSH2ApkR0SQorwD51S5ggTEXf_chnzBpOG77S4PuzsHlzufaJDUvtZQOvGaFfDNnCf68PBcxoBhz9jLWn/s320/CCK+model+%2528Van+Reken%2529.png" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>I loved that it was a very simple list! My reflections on these points: </div><div><ol style="text-align: left;"><li><b>CONNECT</b>: Being at home has motivated me to be in touch with family and friends more often or to write to someone who had fallen out of touch, or to join Zoom video conferences that I might have shied away from under normal circumstances. It's also great being next to Auntie — we are enjoying our weekly dinners together. It's possible this isn't strict physical distancing but the kids haven't left the house in 5-6 weeks and I only go out once a week for groceries, and we agree it's very good for our mental health.</li><li><b>BE ACTIVE</b>: This one is tough! In Singapore, I was biking (just a little bit) every morning and walked a lot to/from bus stops. Luckily, my hula teacher in Bangkok started online sessions and so I've been enjoying reconnecting with her and hula.</li><li><b>KEEP LEARNING</b>: I'm always into learning :) especially to build my editing skills, which is important to me as an independent English editor. But admittedly it's a bit hard to carve out undistracted time for learning with kids running about all day...plus I feel a bit distracted in general.</li><li><b>NOTICE</b>: Here's one that needs a bit of extra conscious effort from me...but I do take note of what we have and be grateful for it. Also blogging and Instagramming are great — I can look at every activity, every experience from a slightly detached point of view and find the humor in most situations.</li><li><b>GIVE</b>: It's very very small, but making small donations to organizations and tipping people extra, hiring someone's services, or even ordering delivery from restaurants that need the boost feels good 😆 Also making an effort to be in touch with family and friends over the distances feels good.</li></ol></div><div>...Hmm...pretty much ALL of the five points requires a functioning Internet! So it seems I need to conclude with: my gratitude for <b>the Internet!!</b> 😆</div><div><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: left;">Further resources</h2><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>the new economics foundation. 2008. <a href="https://neweconomics.org/uploads/files/d80eba95560c09605d_uzm6b1n6a.pdf" target="_blank">Five Ways to Wellbeing</a>.</li><li>Cultural Intelligence Collective. 2017. <a href="http://www.cicollective.com/blog/2017/9/28/saved-webinar-wellbeing-for-expats.html" target="_blank">Wellbeing for Expats</a>. Webinar, 28 September.</li></ul><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>Cover photo by <a href="https://pixabay.com/illustrations/home-at-home-decoration-wood-2406416/" target="_blank">Comfreak</a> via Pixabay</i></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-49282213724404194592020-04-12T15:15:00.000+07:002020-04-27T11:38:02.725+07:00Responses to COVID-19, Thai style!One thing I love about Thailand is the resilience and creativity of its people. Sometimes the results are hilarious, but it's wonderful to see what they come up with, even in times of crisis.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxS1CZm9A6pSouCq9ubmlf5yL-3ARypP5eD_rVe9WbPKZJntpV010c1MAgGrVK66ud-sxLq-yBNxYJorvL5r7JbZsz7_B-51jxPPeTPcXh8GOYINOMxEGzU1oL6kyk8M7x5UANatQ4vHHO/s1600/91300260_10213880062275573_5794099895224762368_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxS1CZm9A6pSouCq9ubmlf5yL-3ARypP5eD_rVe9WbPKZJntpV010c1MAgGrVK66ud-sxLq-yBNxYJorvL5r7JbZsz7_B-51jxPPeTPcXh8GOYINOMxEGzU1oL6kyk8M7x5UANatQ4vHHO/s320/91300260_10213880062275573_5794099895224762368_o.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Red tape used in buses. Photo by Johnny Burrow.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYqdMSSHyey5Fes6G-sx8nOq8UtnZVNmPbPYnZCoHaqoqrByIq7D0VUqN4VnbkDQWOrlBAhjUikZQykDtP0-GsGT4AkozavDtWgdPwayyLxcOCFlKLgj9rnrcvLN0EwsB2WedrjcDSH93w/s1600/92245881_652627448890775_1226476027891417088_o+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="964" data-original-width="544" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYqdMSSHyey5Fes6G-sx8nOq8UtnZVNmPbPYnZCoHaqoqrByIq7D0VUqN4VnbkDQWOrlBAhjUikZQykDtP0-GsGT4AkozavDtWgdPwayyLxcOCFlKLgj9rnrcvLN0EwsB2WedrjcDSH93w/s320/92245881_652627448890775_1226476027891417088_o+%25281%2529.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">'X'ed-out seats on the MRT. Photo by Ting Charoensuk.</td></tr>
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People are now making cloth masks to prevent people from spreading germs when they talk, sneeze, cough, etc., and touching their faces.<br />
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Some resourceful people have started up a company making masks from Thai fabric and selling those online:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/PhaKhowMask/" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="1350" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGH9Adjwbmxnreq24-8M3Zi_apbGkXKfRXZ1rkVWsa_96LQG4ZL8h-K31DNLETfHo2vArrek1ZM5ltDqV2kpVXLTM4HPeLTAQN-TNEDgihc9CXoXR9tLvG13QJhRExnBeqDFXBOQGXB_WP/s320/92575047_112975890365196_8209387059211665408_o.jpg" width="256" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/PhaKhowMask/" target="_blank">You can buy these for just B49 from @PhaKhowMask.</a></td></tr>
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Being Thailand, of course there are monk-blessed versions!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA_lj0_xVMOIUxczzs20L_3Ut3oFWT6Jo2scdxHxN4qk-nXelAGNiAhwzSLYxAITuxyBqm-ZlN5lkx6X8RHQuBpA0fituNPMUTdN45mjiiLYyxlA1TZZLfu2CfpyFytP3Wc1mXm5vD6ij5/s1600/90531753_10157790583865901_845176437739618304_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="588" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA_lj0_xVMOIUxczzs20L_3Ut3oFWT6Jo2scdxHxN4qk-nXelAGNiAhwzSLYxAITuxyBqm-ZlN5lkx6X8RHQuBpA0fituNPMUTdN45mjiiLYyxlA1TZZLfu2CfpyFytP3Wc1mXm5vD6ij5/s320/90531753_10157790583865901_845176437739618304_n.jpg" width="196" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Credit unknown.</td></tr>
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Not to misunderstand: The monks aren't claiming that the blessings will protect the wearer; it's just a spiritual bonus (see "<a href="https://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asia/coronavirus-thailand-bangkok-monks-face-masks-recycled-plastic-12568344" target="_blank">Thai monks make COVID-19 masks from recycled plastic</a>," Channel New Asia, 23 March 2020).<br />
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There seems to be plenty of hand sanitizer everywhere.<br />
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B_Z5tpzpTBD/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_blank">Looks like there definitely is enough hand sanitizer/disinfectant in Thailand 👍 消毒は足りてます@タイ #handsanitizer #thailand</a></div>
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A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/crossculturalfamily/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" target="_blank"> Ema's Cross Cultural Family</a> (@crossculturalfamily) on <time datetime="2020-04-25T12:59:24+00:00" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Apr 25, 2020 at 5:59am PDT</time></div>
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All the supermarkets I've been to have free hand sanitizer pumps at the entrance and I've even seen one pump attached to an elevator wall — great idea! Another recent update to the pump:<br />
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B_bs-k1JQUB/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_blank">Not only is there free hand sanitizer at the exit, but it's dispensed using a pedal! 足でハンドジェルを出す!こういうアイディアを実現させちゃうタイ、大好き🥰 #ilovethailand #ingenious #ThaiInventiveness #makro</a></div>
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A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/crossculturalfamily/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" target="_blank"> Ema's Cross Cultural Family</a> (@crossculturalfamily) on <time datetime="2020-04-26T05:46:35+00:00" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Apr 25, 2020 at 10:46pm PDT</time></div>
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<script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><br />
And of course, assisted social distancing for elevators:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqBKDlUEFYZuDzpu3mPwl3KrsViI0OmyeqXkD4Pa7xDRPS_DRYu-COUtzv0lEDtQ1BLPQHkdIcSwsCAT8z9pMEwx8z7EXgmKZXX4xi6QnE8HyNHYZ6rcUvR4CKenGCycbtYEoGIoiyOT57/s1600/1585740238618.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="963" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqBKDlUEFYZuDzpu3mPwl3KrsViI0OmyeqXkD4Pa7xDRPS_DRYu-COUtzv0lEDtQ1BLPQHkdIcSwsCAT8z9pMEwx8z7EXgmKZXX4xi6QnE8HyNHYZ6rcUvR4CKenGCycbtYEoGIoiyOT57/s320/1585740238618.jpg" width="192" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
Shared on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ThaiVisaNews/posts/new-covid-measures-at-some-thai-hospitalsimage-canuck1966/10159497220833012/" target="_blank">ThaiVisa - The Nation Thailand News</a>. <br />
Photo by canuck1966.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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I was so excited when I got to experience this one first-hand, finally!<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B-1UzvApbP6/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style="background: #fff; border-radius: 3px; border: 0; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0 , 0 , 0 , 0.5) , 0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0 , 0 , 0 , 0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: 99.375%;">
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<div style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;">
<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B-1UzvApbP6/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_blank">Yay I feel I am living history 😆 いえい、やっと実物に遭遇♪(笑) #socialdistancing #socialdistancinginThailand #elevator</a></div>
<div style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">
A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/crossculturalfamily/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" target="_blank"> Ema's Cross Cultural Family</a> (@crossculturalfamily) on <time datetime="2020-04-11T08:04:15+00:00" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Apr 11, 2020 at 1:04am PDT</time></div>
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</blockquote>
<script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><br />
I love to feel the resilience of the people.<br />
<br />
But of course there are many who live in poverty and are severely affected. For those who want to donate, here are two options:<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.socialgiver.com/en/give/covid-relief-bangkok" target="_blank"><b>Covid Relief Bangkok</b></a>: A coalition of <a href="http://sati.or.th/" target="_blank">SATI Foundation</a>, <a href="https://www.scholarsofsustenance.org/" target="_blank">Scholars of Sustenance</a>, and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/UrbanStudiesLab" target="_blank">Urban Studies Lab</a>, with support from Bangkok 1899 and the Thai Health Volunteers Foundation, distributes masks, soaps, hand sanitizer, and basic foodstuff to the most vulnerable groups (by age and income) in Bangkok, as identified via demographic data. Every B300 provides a family of four sanitation items and food supplies.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.weeboon.com/en/campaign/help-the-thai-federation-of-informal-workers-help-its-members" target="_blank"><b>HomeNet Foundation and the Federation of Informal Workers</b></a>: Donations will be used to provide the federation's members an essential food packet worth B300, which can support a 3-person family for one week. Their goal is to reach at least 1,000 workers and their families.</li>
</ul>
<br />
Hoping that we can all emerge from these tough times sooner than later...!<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Edited 27 April: Added Instagram images of hand sanitizer and the foot-operated hand sanitizer dispenser.</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-74096209857569496572020-03-23T17:01:00.001+07:002020-05-06T19:58:26.326+07:00Globally mobile life: Vulnerability in times of crisis<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwhVUF1seT8FUjeKL0fZNyZzwdAVOcZwwbUYvmCMDgOelU3hJL9xAfPi1rLQlQN08g8VPNVXs3BJMGfZoT_EzpA3tPzSfLhNqAIhOpdbqq7h0PBk1V6kFI_H099NDyHJKhLEVflg-Mq66X/s1600/airport-1822133_1280.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="668" data-original-width="1203" height="352" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwhVUF1seT8FUjeKL0fZNyZzwdAVOcZwwbUYvmCMDgOelU3hJL9xAfPi1rLQlQN08g8VPNVXs3BJMGfZoT_EzpA3tPzSfLhNqAIhOpdbqq7h0PBk1V6kFI_H099NDyHJKhLEVflg-Mq66X/s640/airport-1822133_1280.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<b><i>Following a most stressful week of decision-making, our family has now been reunited and I can reflect on how a globally mobile life makes us more vulnerable to crises like the current one.</i></b><br />
<br />
I had absolutely no intention to write about COVID19 because there are SO many news items, information, resources, opinions, advice, etc. etc. out there already. Overwhelmingly so.<br />
<br />
But I must say that the travel restrictions and closing of borders around the world has made it painfully apparent how much more vulnerable those of us living a globally mobile life are to crises.<br />
<ul>
<li>When your family members are scattered over different countries.</li>
<li>When your visa status places you at a disadvantage over nationals.</li>
<li>When you don't have access to your support networks.</li>
</ul>
(And if I'm feeling stressed as a more privileged 'expat', what of all those who are much more vulnerable, like refugees or migrant workers?)<br />
<br />
<h3>
Our case</h3>
For me and my immediate family, last week was the peak of stress.<br />
<br />
Husband was in Europe, trying to get back to Thailand or Singapore, just as France and Germany began closing its borders. Our kids, Thai nanny, and I were in Singapore, which was facing its second wave of panic-buying induced by Malaysia's border closure.<br />
<br />
Husband and I couldn't agree on whether we should stay put in Singapore or to temporarily repatriate to Thailand.<br />
<br />
In Singapore, life was calm and the government seemed to be in control of things. As long as we stayed put, the kids would be able to start the new school year with their classmates (vs. last year when we moved and they missed the first 2 months of school).<br />
<br />
<div>
In Thailand, we would have a much stronger support system and the security of citizenship (except me), and Husband could continue his work (whereas in Singapore, he'd been barred from his government lab for a few weeks already as 'non-essential staff').<br />
<ul>
</ul>
<br />
In the end, we decided to gather in Thailand and I am incredibly relieved to be here.<br />
<br />
<h2>
Globally mobile life: Vulnerability in times of crisis</h2>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9-g8XcFc1X3RogUY5oWnpYva1H1D7cXHkOm5p8ny2ruKuyOsw2_ucZBQ9RzQDi5dIJP0D1vW-lICpm4vf9i94cxVeamvRv4YCM7sRLkAk_10MPwOmDNIkDlA2Y6HJGhC8fT94Bu9sOpOQ/s1600/coronavirus-4937226_1280.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="860" data-original-width="1280" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9-g8XcFc1X3RogUY5oWnpYva1H1D7cXHkOm5p8ny2ruKuyOsw2_ucZBQ9RzQDi5dIJP0D1vW-lICpm4vf9i94cxVeamvRv4YCM7sRLkAk_10MPwOmDNIkDlA2Y6HJGhC8fT94Bu9sOpOQ/s400/coronavirus-4937226_1280.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/congerdesign-509903/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=4937226" target="_blank">congerdesign</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com/" target="_blank">Pixabay</a> </span></td></tr>
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This difficult week made me reflect that the globally mobile life tosses extra challenges at us in times of global crises.<br />
<br />
(Again, I'm talking as a privileged expat; my difficulties only hint at what it might be like for those in a weaker position.)<br />
<h3>
☘ The basis of our lives is challenged</h3>
When international travel and your right to enter/exit/stay in a particular country(s) is threatened, the life that you've built (things like your home and daily routines like school) and your livelihood become precarious.<br />
<ul>
<li>You realize that the assumed right to enter or exit or stay in your country of residence (if it's not your passport country) is not guaranteed; it can be revoked at any time. And there's nothing you can do about it.</li>
<li>With governments scrambling to help its own citizens, foreigners may be reminded over and over again that we are not as important, we are different, we are not priority.</li>
<li>The possibility of separation from your immediate family (spouse, partner, parents, children) is real. Even if your visa or residency is still valid, if those borders are closed and there are no flights, you are stuck. And again, there's nothing you can do about it.</li>
</ul>
<h3>
☘ Social distancing assumes a home base</h3>
Social distancing is key to slow down the spread of the virus. But it's based on the assumption that you have a base, a place to hunker down in. So what happens when you're not sure where your home base is?<br />
<ul>
<li>You have to figure out what that home base is, but that's not always easy or simple. How do you identify and define the safest place where you can stay put and social distance yourselves, without worrying about access to healthcare or expulsion? What if you and your spouse have different ideas of where that safe place is? </li>
<li>(I loved this article by Daniela Tomer, '<a href="https://www.globalnomadsworld.com/psychology-and-coaching/being-an-atck-in-times-of-coronavirus" target="_blank">Being an ATCK in times of Coronavirus</a>,' where she talks about these questions of where do you prefer to be 'stuck' when you consider yourself a global citizen.)</li>
<li>The pressure to socially distance yourself also makes it difficult to be open about your dilemma to stay or to travel. I felt I would be inviting criticism--about being selfish or irresponsible--if I said I'm contemplating travel with my kids. It was stressful enough to try to figure out what was the best plan of action for our family. Feeling like I was doing something 'bad' only made it worse.</li>
</ul>
<h3>
☘ The value of family and support networks are not to be underestimated!</h3>
Never have I felt so grateful for family networks! Or to be a part of any kind of support system! Crises like the current one makes you aware that when you are far from your support system, it makes you more vulnerable to...well, anything.<br />
<ul>
<li>This was one major point that convinced me it was a good idea to move to Thailand. I knew that we could rely on the incredible support from our family in Thailand...and in fact, without that help, I could not have gotten my visa to get here.</li>
<li>Being relatively new and isolated in a country (which is even worse if you're dealing with other barriers, like language for example) can mean you have little support to buoy you up in difficult times; it's tough. Those of us who can tap into a support system are lucky.</li>
</ul>
<div>
This has been mainly a brain dump for me, but anyway.</div>
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My fellow global nomads, stay safe and take care of yourselves. It's a tough time. Be kind to yourselves. </div>
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Those of you are worrying about globally mobile family members: Let them know you care but also understand that they are trying to make the best decisions given their circumstances. Please be gentle and please be supportive.</div>
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<i>Top image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/Skitterphoto-324082/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=1822133">Rudy and Peter Skitterians</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=1822133">Pixabay</a></i></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-18148533546956619072020-02-09T22:54:00.000+07:002020-03-24T11:29:49.248+07:00TCKs and language<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhslHMW95Wn-nDQfsEa6I7wL4PBZq5d2asaRaubwPcKX6qQ6L9U8fJ1Lmrpxrep5eVLIBy93xhQS26QmaL0GX-X7MjSIXsVE304YQTs9U685S_DvtLaqoOPE1tjdZOjGRKxeeNRA8-E7v_T/s1600/people-932069_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="612" data-original-width="1087" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhslHMW95Wn-nDQfsEa6I7wL4PBZq5d2asaRaubwPcKX6qQ6L9U8fJ1Lmrpxrep5eVLIBy93xhQS26QmaL0GX-X7MjSIXsVE304YQTs9U685S_DvtLaqoOPE1tjdZOjGRKxeeNRA8-E7v_T/s640/people-932069_1280.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<b><i>The TCKs of Asia group held an online forum on "Language and Power." Afterwards, I had so many thoughts swirling about in my head about language and belonging, what "mother tongue" means, and the reason why the Japanese label of kikoku shijo ("returnee") never felt right to me.</i></b><br />
<br />
The online forum on "Language and Power," organized by the <a href="https://sites.google.com/view/tcksofasia/" target="_blank">TCKs of Asia</a> group, was a wonderful opportunity for third culture kids (TCKs) of Asia to reflect on one's "native" language and English and the complex relationship that language ability has with our self-identities and experiences.<br />
<br />
After the session ended at 11pm, I couldn't immediately sleep because I was buzzed from the excitement of being (virtually) with a group of people who "get" what it's like to have grown up between worlds, the emotional drain of reliving and empathizing with tough experiences, and the swarm of thoughts crowding my brain.<br />
<br />
Here's an attempt at articulating some of those thoughts.<br />
<h3>
Language and belonging</h3>
I believe language is a gift and power. Being bilingual has opened up worlds for me, which is why I want to pass multilingualism to my children.<br />
<br />
But although language can bring empowerment--it's the power to communicate and to collect information--it's not always experienced as an advantage. That's true for me.<br />
<h4>
▶ English = up in the hierarchy (but "different")</h4>
In Japan, people would put me on a pedestal when they realized I could speak English. "Wowwwww that's soooo amazing!" they'd gush. I'd feel embarrassed (especially since it had little to do with my own efforts) and Other-ly. I would hide my ability, not wanting to elicit that exaggerated response.<br />
<h4>
▶ Imperfect native tongue = low in the hierarchy ("not good enough")</h4>
Meanwhile, my Japanese is not up to par. I feel limited in how I can express things and it takes me three times as long to compose Japanese compared to writing English, which is a bore. And it makes me feel I'm not a "true" Japanese (the absurdity being that I don't even identify as a "true" Japanese anyway!).<br />
<br />
The human need to belong is so strong that being partially "in" isn't enough.<br />
<br />
You'd think we should be appreciating even an imperfect command of a language as a positive, rather than a negative...and yet, we don't.<br />
<h3>
Mother tongue</h3>
I never quite clicked with the term "mother tongue" (or even "native tongue")--I mean, what does it mean? But the discussion showed me that a language could literally be the connection we have with our mother (and father...sorry dads, I know in some languages, one says "father tongue". The point is the parent-child connection).<br />
<br />
That made so much sense! I've always preferred Japanese when I'm tired, when I'm about to go to sleep or when I've just woken up. It's the language I use when my defenses are down. Perhaps that's what makes Japanese my mother tongue.<br />
<br />
Interesting to think that that's the connection my children will have with me too. Thinking of it that way makes me value my Japanese (such as it is) more.<br />
<br />
<h3>
"<i>Kikoku shijo</i>" or "Returnee child(ren)"</h3>
The Japanese use the term <i>kikoku shijo</i> 帰国子女 (translating into something like "boys and girls returned to the country") to refer to Japanese children who've moved out of Japan, usually to accompany their parents, for a certain length of time and then returned to Japan.<br />
<br />
It was my label when I moved back to Japan as an elementary school student. But it's never sat right with me.<br />
<br />
Perhaps because I was only 4 when I left Japan the first time and had few memories of it, I never felt like I was "returning" to Japan; it was simply a move to a new country.<br />
<br />
I left Japan again in my teens and have never "returned" again in the sense of repatriating; nor do I foresee doing so for...well, ever.<br />
<br />
Besides, I was already an adult, no longer the child that's implied in <i>kikoku shijo</i>.<br />
<br />
So does Japanese have no words to describe people like me? I have no idea to what extent people are becoming familiar with the term "third culture kids" in Japanese, but in any case, I am incredibly grateful for a label that I can identify with (adult TCK/ATCK now).<br />
<br />
(When I finally read <i>Third Culture Kids: Growing up among Worlds</i> (David C. Pollock and Ruth van Reken) around 2015 or 2016, I was so moved that <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2016/04/book-review-third-culture-kids-growing.html" target="_blank">I wrote a review</a> for <i>BAMBI News</i> magazine to spread the word :) )<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
That's it for now. It feels nice to dump it all into words. Many thanks to the organizers of TCKs of Asia for a wonderful experience!<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Image by tookapic from Pixabay</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-45262559551362059822020-02-05T19:18:00.000+07:002020-02-05T19:18:12.850+07:00Update on the kids' multilingualism: Upping the English<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE9LTlT7VPkjuT0zmKPzKOiyuEwtpWecIAmRNlOPQjX-rrAH-QM9vSZqsM5H-TP2nioK1OaeaU6j_Yr8Wetxu12r4Pvx-hedZqQo7piA8Sww464q_DvM01Q5SAW32D0V8hRTdv4YQQIAy0/s1600/american-1209605_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="628" data-original-width="1115" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE9LTlT7VPkjuT0zmKPzKOiyuEwtpWecIAmRNlOPQjX-rrAH-QM9vSZqsM5H-TP2nioK1OaeaU6j_Yr8Wetxu12r4Pvx-hedZqQo7piA8Sww464q_DvM01Q5SAW32D0V8hRTdv4YQQIAy0/s640/american-1209605_1280.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<b><i><br /></i></b>
<b><i>Our language aim from the start was to have the kids fluent in Japanese and German, plus Thai. We always thought they would pick up English at some point. With our move to Singapore, the time may have come...?</i></b><br />
<br />
We've moved to Singapore from Thailand and, language-wise, I think the timing couldn't have been better, especially for Engineer (11) and Tigerlily (9).<br />
<br />
To give them some continuity of environment, we put them into Japanese school so that the culture shock of moving to a new country wouldn't (hopefully) be so big compared to suddenly moving to an international school. And so far, that seems to have worked fine.<br />
<br />
While you might think that the 'community language' would become English, in reality, the children spend their time shuttling between home and school. That means their English exposure continues to come from school lessons, but even that has improved: the kids now have around three hours of English a week instead of the one or two that they had in Bangkok, with the added advantage of being split into classes by skill level.<br />
<br />
Tigerlily claims to not particularly like English, especially writing (oh the horror that is English spelling!). She recently learned how to write out Japanese words using roman letters (ABC), which she needed to type Japanese, so that turned out to help with her German reading...but seems to be confusing her with English. (Again, d*$% this crazy English spelling--and I'm a professional English editor!) Ah well, to each their own pace. I hope she finds something she likes to read...<br />
<br />
Engineer is doing great. He already had rudimentary reading skills and a little bit of writing, but he's done well in his initial class and I'm happy to learn that he's been bumped up to a more advanced level this term :) He'll need to pass a certain level of English this coming year to qualify for a particular middle school program, so we will need to work on that.<br />
<br />
Entropy (5) in the meantime is picking up some English via YouTube and occasionally surprises us by randomly saying some English phrase ('I have a good idea!'). I also think he's trying to pick up things from conversations between Husband and me :)<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2020/01/multilingual-family-celebrating-wins.html">Their German is also getting a boost</a> lately, so...exciting things in the works!<br />
<br />
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<i>Cover image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/photos/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=1209605">Free-Photos</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=1209605">Pixabay</a></i> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-38244584261139836632020-01-29T18:57:00.002+07:002020-01-29T18:57:58.068+07:00Multilingual family: Celebrating the wins!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeorCTi7JEm4zS49ajBRKLSa5E0YSZW-YbqeaQcPIuZcl_aokPna3rftAx47dereOiI5kOrmNOzKWN828dQchUApyO9KIjfekbmZyFdqdkVJNlbDWeTZmOxvH786C2S9wKLfIEgcGs_G7D/s1600/font-2111748_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="622" data-original-width="1280" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeorCTi7JEm4zS49ajBRKLSa5E0YSZW-YbqeaQcPIuZcl_aokPna3rftAx47dereOiI5kOrmNOzKWN828dQchUApyO9KIjfekbmZyFdqdkVJNlbDWeTZmOxvH786C2S9wKLfIEgcGs_G7D/s640/font-2111748_1280.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
We've been raising our kids 'OPOL' (one parent, one language) since they were born. While </i></b><b><i>Husband is dedicated to speaking only German to them, it was great to get some external validation!</i></b><div>
<br />While Husband has been brilliant with sticking to German when talking with the kids, it has been <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2019/03/multilingual-family-challenges-and-how.html" target="_blank">one of the challenges</a> to give them enough exposure--especially now that Engineer (11) and Tigerlily (9) are old enough to be (ideally) reading/writing some.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We finally decided to look for some external help and were happy to find that the <a href="https://www.goethe.de/ins/sg/en/kur/kur/gia/kj.html" target="_blank">Goethe-Institut offers children's classes</a>, one track for children who used German at home ('German as a second language') and another for children who were learning it as a foreign language.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
So we took Engineer and Tigerlily to meet with a teacher and get an assessment on how they were doing...and lo and behold! </div>
<div>
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<div>
The teacher said Engineer was doing fine and could join the 'German as a second language' class, as he could speak well enough and do some reading/writing already. And even Tigerlily, who is not so strong in languages, was above the beginner level for 'German as a foreign language' class.</div>
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Tigerlily seemed a bit deflated that she wasn't at the same level as her big brother, but I tried to make it clear to her that her being able to speak and understand as much German as she could simply by interacting with her Papa was remarkable.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Besides, she is younger than Engineer so he has a clear head start.</div>
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After some (sincere!) gushing and praise from me, she perked up, so I hope she doesn't feel like she's inferior to her brainy brother.</div>
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We signed Engineer up the next day and he's started his weekly classes already. Unfortunately Tigerlily's level class is full but she's gotten permission to watch German videos at home :D and she'll practice a bit more with Papa, like Engineer had done.</div>
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<br />It's hard to know how one's family is doing when one's mucking about a bit blindly, so it was great to know that the kids were making progress in their own way. And it validated my poor husband's efforts as he plods away on his own! There's hope!</div>
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<i>(Cover image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/Prawny-162579/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=2111748">Prawny</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=2111748">Pixabay</a>)</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-72666864562423780172019-12-27T17:46:00.004+07:002019-12-27T17:46:49.639+07:00Ready to move on? Cutting the umbilical cord with BAMBI<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihuHD8dc4nfarvQOfACrgcxKQ0uESNgSwAWJMjRgEuWFEi8dTe21t2axS0837IggZNczpdqIqWN1MEKpIJTp3cixhehBmCfA_XHv9g4RYlE53lmrEEODd-OlYI8nQftsubJI2cVhniiHfI/s1600/cord-4088057_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="718" data-original-width="1280" height="356" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihuHD8dc4nfarvQOfACrgcxKQ0uESNgSwAWJMjRgEuWFEi8dTe21t2axS0837IggZNczpdqIqWN1MEKpIJTp3cixhehBmCfA_XHv9g4RYlE53lmrEEODd-OlYI8nQftsubJI2cVhniiHfI/s640/cord-4088057_1280.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: #191b26; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; margin: 0px; white-space: nowrap;">Image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/suju-165106/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=4088057" style="color: #191b26; cursor: pointer; margin: 0px; outline: 0px !important;" target="_blank">Susanne Jutzeler, suju-foto</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=4088057" style="color: #191b26; cursor: pointer; margin: 0px; outline: 0px !important;" target="_blank">Pixabay</a></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #191b26; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; white-space: nowrap;"> </span></span></td></tr>
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<b><i><br /></i></b>
<b><i>When moving to a new city, it's hard to cut ties with the life you've established in the old, especially when one can technically remain remotely connected. But the time comes when you can move on.</i></b><br />
<br />
<br />
Since 2014, I've been <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2018/03/the-power-of-volunteering-for-stay-at.html" target="_blank">volunteering with BAMBI</a> and it has been amazing.<br />
<br />
Being a meaningful part of this organization was such a big part of my identity--it represented the grown-up, professional part of me--that I was unable to immediately cut ties and step down fully despite the move to a new country.<br />
<br />
I also felt that I still had a contribution to make on the revamping of <a href="https://www.bambiweb.org/" target="_blank">BAMBI's website</a> (which I'm thrilled to say has since been completed! I'm so proud of it and to have been a part of the team). And we aren't done uploading a ton of wonderful past content from <a href="https://www.bambiweb.org/magazine/" target="_blank"><i>BAMBI News</i> to the website</a>.<br />
<br />
Thankfully, BAMBI allows for members to reside outside of Thailand and my responsibilities on the magazine-editing and website-development teams could be handled remotely, so I renewed my membership for another year and carried on.<br />
<br />
But lately, I've been starting to feel like I'm ready to move on.<br />
<br />
Why?<br />
<br />
Partly recognizing that I'm not needed, that things will carry on just fine without me. Partly feeling the physical distance, not being able to join the occasional face-to-face meetings.<br />
<br />
And probably because I've jumped ship and joined <a href="https://www.figt.org/" target="_blank">Families in Global Transition (FIGT)</a> as blog editor :D<br />
<br />
I <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2019/04/families-in-global-transition-2019.html" target="_blank">'met' FIGT thanks to my involvement with BAMBI</a>, so in a way it's a natural progression. They're both organizations run by volunteer members and they both serve expats and globally mobile families.<br />
<br />
Volunteering with FIGT is different from BAMBI in that (at least for the communications team) remote work is the norm. On the one hand, I feel rather isolated and, if it weren't for having physically attended the FIGT2019 conference, I'm not sure if I'd develop a strong sense of identification with the group; but on the other hand, I know that everyone's in the same boat.<br />
<br />
I miss the BAMBI-style monthly in-person meetings and events, but it's useful to get acclimated to 'meeting' via online video/phone conferences that span five or six time zones. (What a world we live in now... (^^;)<br />
<br />
What an experiment in finding 'belonging' to a group when the members are physically spread all over the globe. I'm curious how it'll work out!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-11722809372397109452019-11-13T17:27:00.002+07:002020-05-06T20:04:32.903+07:00Settling in: Making (some) connections<div style="text-align: center;">
<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4or7xyJf9R/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.5) 0px 0px 1px 0px, rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.15) 0px 1px 10px 0px; margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0px; width: 99.375%;"><div style="padding: 16px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4or7xyJf9R/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); line-height: 0; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: 100%;" target="_blank"> <div style="align-items: center; display: flex; flex-direction: row;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0px;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0px auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;"> View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0px;"></div> <div style="align-items: center; display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px;"><div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px); width: 12.5px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12.5px; margin-left: 2px; margin-right: 14px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px); width: 12.5px;"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div> <div style="border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid rgb(244, 244, 244); border-top: 2px solid transparent; height: 0px; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg); width: 0px;"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="border-right: 8px solid transparent; border-top: 8px solid rgb(244, 244, 244); transform: translateY(16px); width: 0px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; transform: translateY(-4px); width: 16px;"></div> <div style="border-left: 8px solid transparent; border-top: 8px solid rgb(244, 244, 244); height: 0px; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px); width: 0px;"></div></div></div></a> <p style="margin: 8px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B4or7xyJf9R/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Had a great time last night singing with the Singapore Symphony Orchestra and Chorus. This space was full 😯 昨夜は満席のホールでシンガポールシンフォニーの公演に合唱で参加♪( ´▽`)実際歌ったのは9分くらい(^_^;)でも楽しかった☆ #singaporesymphonychorus #singaporesymphonyorchestra #singingexpatlife</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0px 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/crossculturalfamily/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" target="_blank"> Ema's Cross Cultural Family</a> (@crossculturalfamily) on <time datetime="2019-11-09T07:07:50+00:00" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Nov 8, 2019 at 11:07pm PST</time></p></div></blockquote> <script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script>
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<b><i><div><b><i><br /></i></b></div>Six months have flown by since our move. I feel like I've reached the <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2019/07/when-real-settling-in-begins.html" target="_blank">settling in phase</a>...unless this is still my honeymoon! So what helped me to settle in?</i></b><br />
<br />
Having moved countries several times in my life, I was bracing myself to go through the usual culture shock. I was particularly nervous that I might never get over the frustration stage and end up unhappy, like when I lived in Manila.<br />
<h3>
Finding my 'scaffoldings'</h3>
Nothing beats doing something, so as soon as I could, I sought out <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2019/07/when-real-settling-in-begins.html">my 'scaffolding</a>,' a space or institution I could affiliate myself with, that would fulfill my need to belong.<br />
<br />
That was a no-brainer: I joined a choir. I just had my first performance with the Singapore Symphony Orchestra and Chorus :) I now recognize a handful of my fellow singers--although names are miserably lagging!--and it's nice to be able to casually chat with some regular faces during breaks and waiting periods.<br />
<br />
I confess I still miss some things. Like having my little extra status in choir, getting the respect and trust as an occasional soloist and reliable singer. It's a little hard in a choir of 80-90 strong singers to establish that kind of reputation.<br />
<br />
And funnily, I miss <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2018/07/why-expats-cant-quit-facebook.html" target="_blank">having FB connections</a> with my fellow choristers in Singapore! Being on FB together, especially around performances, was always a great way to share the experience beyond the few hours of being backstage and on. But ah well, slowly slowly.<br />
<h3>
Bringing in ties to our past lives</h3>
We're lucky in that Singapore and Bangkok are so close. Our aunty in Bangkok came over to visit us and so it now feels like this house has the blessings of our Thai family. Husband's friend dropped by from Germany too--acting the host makes one feel more like a local. And I never quite appreciated how nice a housewarming actually is.<br />
<br />
And by lucky chance, one of my good BK singing friends happened to move to Singapore before me. So it's fantastic to have that crutch. Plus we caught up with Singapore-based singers that we had met years ago in BK for one of <a href="https://www.operasiam.com/" target="_blank">Bangkok Opera/Opera Siam's</a> productions.<br />
<h3>
Routine, routine, routine</h3>
I'm now fallen into a routine that includes doing my editing work at home. I know where to get my groceries, where the <a href="https://www.uniqlo.com/sg/shop/" target="_blank">Uniqlo</a>, <a href="https://www.decathlon.sg/stores" target="_blank">Decathlon</a>, and <a href="https://www.daisosingapore.com.sg/store_location/" target="_blank">Daiso</a> shops are (essentials!), how to borrow <a href="https://nlb.overdrive.com/" target="_blank">ebooks from the Singaporean national library</a> (did I mention that they have the largest Overdrive collection outside the US?), and how to use my NETS card (although I still don't understand the difference between NETS and NETS@FlashPay. Meh).<br />
<br />
Routines are comforting. It's nice to know some things are regularly there and you don't have to make new decisions on a daily basis.<br />
<h3>
The power of familiar faces</h3>
Gradually finding familiar faces has an amazing effect on how settled and at home one feels!<br />
<br />
Every morning and afternoon I bike to/from the bus stop with the kids, and now I usually greet a lady from our neighborhood, fellow Japanese school moms and a dad, and sometimes even another dad going to the station with his teenage daughter.<br />
<br />
I also take Tigerlily to her weekly extracurricular activity and have become friendly with another mom.<br />
<br />
Considering I'm an introvert, this is amazing to me. And even though it's just saying "good morning," that sense of being a local face does wonders to my sense of being at home.<br />
<br />
I'm actually feeling happy already!<br />
<br />
...So please don't tell me this is still honeymoon phase :DUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-3684031033743742952019-07-28T00:57:00.000+07:002019-12-27T17:47:09.096+07:00Settling in: A rush of nostalgia for my Bangkok home<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<b><i>I caught of glimpse of our home in Bangkok and was hit by an unexpected wave of nostalgia.</i></b><br />
<br />
I haven't been feeling too sentimental about moving to a new country. But then again, I still have my Thai mobile number and bank accounts. I continue to volunteer with BAMBI. And I haven't quite brought myself to exit the chat groups and email lists for my Bangkok choirs.<br />
<br />
Call it denial if you will, but mentally, I haven't quite left Bangkok.<br />
<br />
So. My nostalgia.<br />
<br />
We have the fortune to semi-maintain our Bangkok home and Husband was staying there on a quick business trip back to the City of Angels.<br />
<br />
It was just a glimpse of our kitchen table and the old teak-wood floors behind Husband as we video-called each other.<br />
<br />
Suddenly, it brought back images of my kids crawling around those floors as babies, of my parents and my late-MIL when they visited, the jolly dinners with friends and family crammed around our small kitchen table, my routine of crawling out of bed at 5:45am to make the kids their lunchboxes...<br />
<br />
It reminded me that this house was a special one.<br />
<br />
It was where I first moved in with Husband, where we got married, where we greeted our babies, where my MIL passed her last months of life (as did Husband's Thai grandmother and uncle next doors), where we were surrounded by extended family and child-loving household staff.<br />
<br />
I've moved several times but I can't recall ever being nostalgic for a previous home since becoming an adult. Maybe because my parents' house has remained unchanged for 30 years and has been my stable constant while I moved countries.<br />
<br />
It's a comfort to know that this Bangkok house might be another reassuring constant for our family, an emotional anchor and reminder of a significant era in our lives. I'm grateful that it won't be completely gone from our lives just yet.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-77849800158330801712019-07-10T14:18:00.000+07:002019-07-17T11:03:31.802+07:00When the real settling in begins...<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BzKJu8upQh0/" data-instgrm-version="12" style="background: #fff; border-radius: 3px; border: 0; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0 , 0 , 0 , 0.5) , 0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0 , 0 , 0 , 0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: 99.375%;">
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BzKJu8upQh0/" style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_blank">Waiting for the bus with the kids to go to school. Am so not a morning person but at least this lovely sky makes it a bit more bearable 😅 市バス通学スタートの子ども達と暫く同伴の日々。朝苦手だけど、きれいな朝焼けに気分も少しほっこり☆ #notamorningperson #sky #sunrise</a></div>
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A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/crossculturalfamily/" style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" target="_blank"> Ema's Cross Cultural Family</a> (@crossculturalfamily) on <time datetime="2019-06-26T03:54:48+00:00" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Jun 25, 2019 at 8:54pm PDT</time></div>
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<script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><br />
<br />
The first month is gone.<br />
<br />
The 'official' settling in tasks are done:<br />
<ul>
<li>Everyone's permission to stay has been granted.</li>
<li>We've received our ID cards</li>
<li>Kids are enrolled in school. </li>
<li>Home internet is working</li>
<li>Local SIM cards are now installed in our double-SIM phones.</li>
</ul>
<div>
<h3>
When the real settling in begins</h3>
As I was walking home after sending the kids to school this morning, though, it occurred to me that this is where the real settling in begins.<br />
<br />
The kids have to get used to their new school and new routines and make new friends.<br />
<br />
Kids, nanny, Husband, and I have to work out the commute timings, routes, and other daily arrangements.<br />
<br />
I have to figure out and get into the rhythm of my morning routine, grocery shopping, my work, my chores.<br />
<br />
And yes, there are still some official settling-in stuff to deal with. Sigh.<br />
<br />
<h3>
It's not easy</h3>
And this is the hard part, isn't it.<br />
<br />
Your initial vacation/holidays/honeymoon/adventurous feeling (not that I felt adventurous at all...) is gone, you're starting to hit that second stage where things start getting to you.<br />
<br />
The little frustrations begin to add up and all you want is to feel settled in, at home, comfortable, and in the know.<br />
<br />
It's the second stage in culture shock, the 'frustration stage.'<br />
<br />
(If you haven't heard about the stages of culture shock, then check out: "<a href="https://medium.com/global-perspectives/the-4-stages-of-culture-shock-a79957726164" target="_blank">The 4 Stages of Culture Shock</a>.")<br />
<br />
I know that it's a perfectly normal stage to go through, but I'd be happy to move on to the next one: adjustment!<br />
<br />
<h3>
Finding my 'scaffoldings'</h3>
<a href="https://www.bambiweb.org/wellbeing/redefining-family/" target="_blank">Megha Jindal wrote (BAMBI News, May 2019)</a> that what helps us find our local 'family' was not to look for friends, but to identify our local 'scaffoldings'.<br />
<br />
As Megha describes it, 'scaffoldings' are those organizations/structures that we affiliate ourselves with. For Megha in Bangkok, it was BAMBI and Empower Toastmasters Club. For me, it was first and foremost my choirs, and then BAMBI.<br />
<br />
As long as I felt connected to those organizations, my sense of belonging didn't dissipate, even when those I felt closest to left Bangkok.<br />
<br />
(The need to feel a part of specific groups/organizations is one reason why I, <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2018/07/why-expats-cant-quit-facebook.html">as an expat, find staying connected through Facebook addictive</a>.)<br />
<br />
It also ties to what Ruth Van Reken and Daniela Tomer spoke about at FIGT2019, that we need to <a href="https://www.crossculturalfamily.com/2019/04/families-in-global-transition-2019.html" target="">identify those 'anchors' that help us feel we belong</a>.<br />
<br />
So it's time I started looking for my new scaffoldings, my new anchors.<br />
<br />
<h2>
Resources</h2>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.communicaid.com/cross-cultural-training/blog/top-tips-overcoming-culture-shock/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="289" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhczq87XvqbJY3Ds1MnFcmW5AUfcPREtaxWn44Lr7dAOcaD9SK-e9pRO7Sb9iroEA68S4a_49BLVQzRB8N5tO10Iftin1doBoE4-8n5kFj3TCJIA_BWyOZqWE2ER12Qni9YUdG0VkRb0xeS/s1600/Infographic_Culture-shock.jpeg" style="cursor: move;" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Infographic by <a href="https://www.communicaid.com/" target="_blank">Communicaid</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://medium.com/global-perspectives/the-4-stages-of-culture-shock-a79957726164" target="_blank">The 4 Stages of Culture Shock</a>: A clear explanation of what the stages are. You can Google other ones, and you'll find some talk about 5 stages and others 3. No matter how you split it, the main message is the same.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.expatica.com/moving/integration/how-to-manage-culture-shock-108735/" target="_blank">How to Manage Culture Shock</a> (Expatica.com): A thorough (but understandable) break down of culture shock, what types of cultural differences there are (good to be aware of them), and strategies of dealing with culture shock.</li>
<li><a href="http://www.deborahswallow.com/2010/05/16/overcoming-culture-shock/" target="_blank">Overcoming Culture Shock</a> (Deborah Swallow): Brief but to the point -- a list of actions you can take to overcome culture shock.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.communicaid.com/cross-cultural-training/blog/top-tips-overcoming-culture-shock/" target="_blank">7 Tips to Take the Shock out of Culture Shock</a> (Communicaid.com): An easy to understand overview of culture shock and some tips to work yourself through it. The infographic is from them.</li>
</ul>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-263360304034850316.post-28997810497803711312019-06-24T14:41:00.000+07:002019-06-25T08:38:24.494+07:00Arrived, survived, saved by nanny's arrival<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKeMdSNJXy3SE4obn14XyGXpeI-KzXbjWKrNz_o3bRGxmA4-of_bzuG9my4lFH3y1VG3C9HtZOfnen5ek92qovCgncxxKcvsgpEnaykoCfsvT2QJuWblecc2RWxt0jNg2eX0xoFCFZCOof/s1600/20190623_164252_017.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKeMdSNJXy3SE4obn14XyGXpeI-KzXbjWKrNz_o3bRGxmA4-of_bzuG9my4lFH3y1VG3C9HtZOfnen5ek92qovCgncxxKcvsgpEnaykoCfsvT2QJuWblecc2RWxt0jNg2eX0xoFCFZCOof/s400/20190623_164252_017.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<b><i>So! We are here. In our new house, new country.</i></b><br />
<br />
It's been over three weeks since our family officially relocated.<br />
<br />
For me, it's been less about being in a new country than about surviving these weeks in a new house without any household help and all three kids at home.<br />
<br />
Now <i>that's</i> culture shock! (>o<)<br />
<br />
I fully realize that I am completely spoiled and that many people do in fact manage households and jobs and kids entirely on their own.<br />
<br />
And I will be the first to admit that I'm pathetic for moaning about this.<br />
<br />
Frankly, the best thing that happened to me during these 3 weeks was probably the arrival of our Thai nanny, work visa in hand :D :D<br />
<br />
The second most relief-inducing moment was when all three kids got their visas approved, after over 1 month of applications and waiting for approvals, and we could finally enroll the older two in school. They have been missing classes for 2.5 months.<br />
<br />
So many thoughts in this early stage of our stay... I will have to write more about it when I can organize them a bit better.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0